Celebrity Parents Sarah Herron Shares Moving Message About Postpartum After Son's Death at 24 Weeks "Since coming home without Oliver, everything has been a haunting reminder of what was supposed to be," the Bachelor alum wrote By Alexis Jones Alexis Jones Editorial Intern, PEOPLE People Editorial Guidelines Published on February 4, 2023 02:24 PM Share Tweet Pin Email Sarah Herron is opening up about the realities of postpartum after losing her son. The Bachelor alum, 36, shared a photo of herself on Instagram in an adult diaper one week after the death of her son Oliver Brown, who died shortly after she gave birth at 24 weeks pregnant. "TW - Postpartum after pregnancy loss is still postpartum. I hadn't gotten to the chapters on perinatal care yet or lactation support. I jumped from second trimester to fourth trimester overnight," Herron began. She detailed the many things she didn't know she would still need, as well as not expecting her breast milk to come in and having to learn to pump. "But suddenly my days that should be spent sampling belly oils and rubbing my bump are spent taking a crash course in postpartum relief through streaming tears," she continued. She added, "I don't want relief, I want my baby." Sarah Herron/Instagram Sarah Herron's Baby Dies in His 'Dad's Arms' After Being Born Premature: 'We Love You So Much' "Since coming home without Oliver, everything has been a haunting reminder of what was supposed to be, and what I now must face without him here," Herron wrote. "There is simply no way to prepare yourself for the subtle inconveniences of pregnancy that can suddenly, without warning, vanish." She noted how unprepared she feels to now be able to "zip your winter coat, or reach down to tie your shoes again" as well as rolling "onto your belly in the middle of the night." "And worst of all, catching your new reflection each day and no longer seeing a bump," she added. "The things that were "off limits" during pregnancy are suddenly allowed again and it feels jarringly wrong," she continued. Herron said the "things I longed for during pregnancy" like a turkey sandwich and a glass of wine "feels like deep abandonment of my baby. "And the things I loved during pregnancy; like berries (so many berries!) feels like cheating," she added. Sarah Herron Shares Photo of 'Last Morning' She Was Pregnant with Late Son: 'I Want to Go Back' Sarah Herron/Instagram Continuing: "I never prepared for this, and no mother should have to. I understand why no doctor or book briefs you on the possibility of this torture [and] I don't have a positive way to wrap this post up. It's probably the second to the saddest thing I've ever shared." Sharing a selfie on her Instagram Story Friday, Herron explained the photo was from a week ago as she continued to grapple with the death of her son. "It's been one week. This was on our last morning all sitting together," she wrote. "It was the last morning that I got to soak in his big somersaults and hiccups. I want to go back. I'd give anything to go back to last Friday morning." She added, "We miss and love you, baby boy."