Samantha Busch Has 'PTSD Anxiety' About Pregnancy Tests After Past Let Downs: 'I Can't Do It'
In an exclusive clip from the Band of Mothers podcast, Samantha Busch says she "panicked" and couldn't bring herself to take a pregnancy test after an embryo transfer
Samantha Busch was apprehensive about taking a pregnancy test after her recent embryo transfer, not ready for another potential disappointment.
In an exclusive clip shared with PEOPLE, Samantha, 34, opens up about the stress she feels surrounding the results of a recent embryo transfer, given how much bad news she's faced during her quest to baby No. 2. They are already parents to son Brexton, born in 2015.
"I'm literally having some kind of, like, PTSD anxiety right now. I could have tested this morning but I panicked and I didn't," she says in the clip. "It sounds so stupid because we've been waiting so long. So I was sitting there this morning and I had the stick and I was like, 'I can't do it. I can't do it.' I just panicked."
"I feel like I've been so positive throughout this and so optimistic, and something about this morning it finally being here, I'm like, 'I don't wanna know,' " Samantha explains. "I'd rather just keep telling myself I'm pregnant and not have to know."
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For more than eight years, Samantha and Kyle have struggled with infertility, experiencing everything from a miscarriage to a failed IVF attempt and, in November, a second IVF failure while using an otherwise healthy surrogate.
"Just this last time, when our surrogate had a failed cycle — I mean, every time; I guess it sounds silly after we've been through a miscarriage, a failed cycle, now a failed surrogate cycle. But every time I just go into it like, 'Yep, this is it! I got it!' and I'm so let down. And that's how I walked into this whole process still too, very optimistic."
On Friday morning, Samantha shared a photo of herself getting bloodwork done on her Instagram Story, meaning the results of the transfer will be known soon.
RELATED VIDEO: NASCAR's Kyle Busch and Wife Samantha Say Fertility Struggles Put Marriage to the Test: 'It Was Scary'
In this week's issue of PEOPLE, Samantha opens up about the toll their fertility struggle has taken on their marriage. During one point after Samantha's miscarriage, the couple even considered divorce.
"Kyle was my rock and it felt like I didn't have that anymore," Samantha said. "We were spiraling. It felt like divorce was real and it was scary."
For more on the Busch family, pick up the new issue of PEOPLE, on newsstands nationwide on Friday.
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