The Big Little Lies star, 50, is featured on the July cover of Tatler magazine and opened up to the British outlet about her painful journey to become a parent almost 30 years ago.
Married to Tom Cruise at the time, Kidman previously revealed that her first pregnancy was ectopic, which occurs when a fertilized egg is implanted outside the womb. She then suffered a miscarriage towards the end of their marriage.
“I know the yearning. That yearning. It’s a huge, aching yearning. And the loss! The loss of a miscarriage is not talked about enough,” the actress said, according to an excerpt obtained by ET Canada. “That’s massive grief to certain women.”
After her ectopic pregnancy, Kidman and Cruise eventually made the decision to adopt, welcoming Isabella Jane (born in 1992) and Connor Anthony (born in 1995) to their family in the ensuing years.
“There’s an enormous amount of pain and an enormous amount of joy on the other side of it,” Kidman said of becoming a parent. “The flipside of going through so much yearning and pain to get there is the feeling of ‘Ahhhh!’ when you have the child.”
Kidman and Cruise divorced in 2001, and in 2005, she met her current husband Keith Urban. They married in 2006 and have two children together, Faith Margaret, 7, and Sunday Rose, 9.
After giving birth to Sunday Rose, Kidman told Elle she felt very protective of her children. “I’m like, ‘No one gets near my babies!’ That’s why we chose not to sell photos of her. We just want to have our little cocoon,” she said.
“At 41, it’s more of a painful love,” Kidman added. “I look at that little girl and I’m like, ‘Oh, no, what’s going to happen?’ It’s almost like my heart is stretching; I’m feeling all the muscles stretch with emotion. It’s a beautiful love, but there’s a lot of fear and pain for her life, and for Bella and Connor’s life.”
Kidman and Urban have remained private when it comes to their girls as they’ve gotten older, but they have opened up about some of their core parenting values.
“We’re a very intimate family and we discuss many things,” the Big Little Lies actress told PEOPLE in October, sharing how they addressed the Las Vegas shooting in their household. “We take responsibility of parenting so seriously, but we also keep an open conversation between our kids.”
She added, “Sometimes we need guidance, too, but our family is based on an enormous amount of questions, love and support, and we’re trying to guide a 6-year-old and 9-year-girl right now into the world.”