Celebrity Parents Nick Cannon Defends Returning to Work After 5-Month-Old Son's Death: 'This Isn't Work, This Is Love' Nick Cannon opened up about his decision to go back to work after announcing the death of his 5-month-old son, Zen, who died this week from a brain tumor By Olivia Jakiel Olivia Jakiel Instagram Associate Editor, Nights – PEOPLE People Editorial Guidelines Published on December 8, 2021 08:47 PM Share Tweet Pin Email Nick Cannon. Photo: Willy Sanjuan/Invision/AP/Shutterstock Nick Cannon may be back at work following the death of his youngest son, Zen Scott Cannon, but that doesn't mean it was an easy decision for him to make. During the opening monologue on Wednesday's episode of The Nick Cannon Show, the former America's Got Talent host, 41, thanked fans for their support and got candid about why he decided to return to work so soon after his son's passing. "A lot of people keep asking me like, 'Man why are you even at work?' Especially my family members, 'Boy you need to go sit down somewhere, you got too many jobs already. Allow yourself to just be yourself,' " Cannon said. Courtesy nick cannon Nick Cannon Says Biggest Fear as Parent Is 'Giving Too Much Energy Elsewhere and Not to My Children' "And I appreciate that, all of that advice and I know it comes from a place of care. But to me, this isn't work, this is love." "Yesterday, it was a little easier than today because yesterday I was so laser-focused and even numb," he added. "I just knew I just had to get it done. Today, I'm a little torn. I'm a little confused. Because it's a hurting thing. I'm grieving. I feel guilty on so many levels." RELATED VIDEO: Nick Cannon's Youngest Child, 5-Month-Old Son Zen, Has Died Never miss a story — sign up for PEOPLE's free weekly newsletter to get the biggest news of the week delivered to your inbox every Friday. Cannon also shared the last photo he took of Zen with his mother, Alyssa Scott, as she held him on the beach on Sunday. On Tuesday, the Masked Singer host revealed that he had held his youngest son for the last time over the weekend, and dedicated the day's episode of the show to him. Nick Cannon Says He's a 'Different Human Being' When Parenting Daughters: 'They Control You' He also told the audience that he wasn't sure "how I was gonna handle today," but after going back and forth about what he should do, he decided to push through. "I was always taught, you go through it you grow through it, you keep pushing," Cannon told his audience. "I'm here to show that I can fight through this, I'm feeling it, I'm vulnerable, I'm open. This is a special show dedicated to my beautiful son Zen."