Molly Sims Emotionally Recalls How Breastfeeding 'Almost Put Me Under': 'I Was Really Depressed'
Molly Sims recalls on Kristen Kelly's Mom School podcast how she was "mom shamed" over giving her child formula
Molly Sims knows that "fed is best" when it comes to her kids — but the road to that mindset took some time.
The model and actress, 47, chatted with Kristen Kelly for the most recent episode of her Mom School podcast, tearing up as she recalled how "people really mom shamed" her after her son Brooks Alan, now 8, was born, because she wasn't able to produce enough milk for him.
Sims praised a lactation specialist she worked with named Linda Hanna, who was "ultimately one of the first" people who convinced Sims to make the move to formula.
"She goes, 'We got to feed this baby some formula. ... We're just going to need a little,' " Sims says. "I was taking 18 herbs. I mean, I did a breast pump. I did it all. I did everything. [Linda] was really such a constant and I cannot thank her enough, because that about put me under. I was really depressed over it."
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"And I just don't make milk. I made a little bit, and finally by the third baby, she goes, 'Are we really going to try this?' I'm like, 'We're really going to try it,' " she adds.
For Sims, the pressure from people who made her feel like feeding her children formula was akin to giving them "poison" was difficult to bear — not to mention witnessing how easy nursing a baby looked with other moms.
"I always say to women, 'They come out of you, and you automatically have mom guilt,' " she says. "I would see these women, and they just stick that baby on the boob, and I watched it. ... I watched her breastfeed."
"And we have three kids almost all identical in age and I was like, 'I'm so sorry, Allison, but did you just really make that much f---ing milk?' And she was like, 'Yeah.' And I was like, 'That would take me nine feedings,' " Sims shares.
Sims also opened up about the general stresses of parenthood, admitting she puts "too much pressure on [herself] as a mother" but a therapist has helped her through figuring out "how to talk [herself] down from" the bouts of related severe anxiety before a "spiral."
With both Brooks and her younger two children — son Grey Douglas, 3½, and daughter Scarlett May, 5 — she didn't have postpartum depression, she says, as much as anxious visions that felt "like I would wake up and they're drowning." But one time, she fell asleep breastfeeding, and "rolled" over on top of Brooks.
"It scared the s--- out of me," Sims says. "And it probably set off [some] of that, 'Oh my God they're drowning' [feeling]. I had a lot of hot sweats after the baby, just waking up in pools and your hormones dropping, but I never had dark thoughts about my baby or myself. It was more about, 'Oh God, what if something happens to them?' "
"Walking" and "exercise" — as well as a little help from Queen Bey — helped the mother of three find peace. "It got me out of my head, and this is going to sound crazy, but Beyoncé helped me," Sims says. "It was like, 'I love you Beyoncé, so much.' I would just start singing."