September 14, 2007 09:25 AM

Today show co-anchor Meredith Vieira, 53, has dealt with a lot in her life and career but nothing compares to having to let her 18-year-old son, Ben, head off to college.  Meredith said in her journal,

I’ve been great on "the positive side" and sharing in hisexcitement. But I think I’ve put my emotions — and the real sense of lossI’ve been feeling — on the back burner. And because I’m essentially aperson that leads with my heart, it’s going to come out in one way oranother. So far I’ve broken out on my chin, I’m not sleeping well, andI find myself at a level of anxiety that doesn’t seem to have anythingattached to it.

I ask myself: "Why am I feeling anxious?" I think it’sbecause, for all my bravado, deep down I’m just really sad. I’m notshowing that to Ben, of course — I don’t want him to see that.

Even though Meredith is trying to hide her anxiety about son Ben leaving, it is on the brink of coming out.  She revealed,

The closest I came to letting it out was the other day when Ben’scollege held a gathering in the New York area. I was standing therewith Richard drinking a glass of wine, watching Ben, already at adistance in a circle of fellow freshman-to-be, with his back turned.And my eyes started to fill with tears, as I stood there, only a fewfeet from him.

Click below for more on her son leaving for college.

The Who Wants To Be A Millionaire host also tried to pull her son into her professional life as a way to hold on to him.

The first time I realized ‘this is going to behard’ I went right into ‘TV mode’. I thought I should document hisgoing-away-to-college fortelevision. We batted the idea around, and Ben was the first to say hedidn’t want a camera following him to campus. I realized that if Icouldn’t hold him in my personal life, I was going to try and pull himin through my professional life.

When it is all said and done, Meredith has realized some things.  She shares,

I had some other realizations: 1) I’ll get through this. 2) I have toallow myself to live it, experience it, and physically go through theKleenex.

Meredith and her husband, Richard Cohen, have two other children, son Gabe, 15, and daughter Lily, 14.

Source: Meredith Vieira at iVillage

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