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"There is nowhere to hide from the constant screaming," Meghan King Edmonds wrote

By Tim McGovern and Ashley Boucher
May 15, 2020 11:17 PM
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Meghan King Edmonds
Meghan King Edmonds and children Hart, Hayes and Aspen
| Credit: Meghan King Edmonds/ Instagram

Meghan King Edmonds is opening up about the struggles of social distancing while taking care of her 1-year-old twin boys Hart and Hayes and 3-year-old daughter Aspen, whom she shares with estranged husband Jim Edmonds.

In a candid blog post titled "Diary Of A Single Mom In Quarantine… & It’s Not Pretty. shared on her website, Meghan said that the words "stay at home" are now synonymous with "house arrest."

"And not the cute, tongue-in-cheek Lindsay Lohan kind, but the lonely, soul-sucking, get-me-out-of-here-I’m-going-crazy kind," Meghan added. "What’s that you said? Oh… you’re doing fine? As a matter of fact, you’re actually enjoying this time? Really making the best of it… is that right? Exploring new hobbies? [Insert smoke-coming-out-of-nostrils emoji.]  I’m gonna be direct: if you’re one of these people, I can’t talk to you right now."

While Meghan admitted that she loves her home and feels lucky to live there, she said, "My kids scream non-stop. They can’t verbally communicate well, even though cognitively they know what they want. And my house doesn’t have carpet—so there is nothing to muffle the sounds as they reverberate off every wall. There is nowhere to hide from the constant screaming. Not even the bathroom is safe. Try to pee in silence, let alone listen to yourself think…never mind, don’t waste your precious energy."

Meghan King Edmonds
Meghan King Edmonds and children Hart, Hayes and Aspen

All of that screaming has made it "impossible" for her to work from home by recording her podcast, Intimate Knowledge.

"I’ve tried locking my bedroom door but they scream, bang, and the echo chamber home in which I live wins the round yet again," she said.

Meghan also opened up about Hart having PVL, "a brain injury diagnosis that is often a precursor to a Cerebral Palsy," which affects his motor skills, "his proprioception (he struggles to know where his body is in space)," his language and his attitude.

"To address these issues, Hart participates in speech therapy, physical therapy, and occupational therapy several times per week," she continued. "But for me to try to takeover these therapies at home as a single-parent – it’s impossible."

Adding on her feeling of guilt, she said that while in February Hart "plateaued" in therapy, now "Hart has regressed" and "his balance is much worse than it was at the end of 2019."

While Meghan has a live-in nanny whom she calls a "God-send," the former reality star said that the extra help "doesn’t free up as much time as you think (or as I wish)."

The mother of three explained that her oldest is a "handful" and "whose top debates topics include why she should be able to wear an Elsa dresses on her bike, eat copious amounts of candy, or boss her brothers into doing ridiculously dangerous activities, like jumping off chairs."

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Meghan King Edmonds
Meghan King Edmonds and her kids
| Credit: Meghan King Edmonds/ Instagram

"I’m worn out," Meghan admitted, saying the time in quarantine has taken a mental and physical toll and heightened her anxiety.

Meghan concluded her lengthy blog post by saying, "I just gave you a close-up view of my 'ugly.' "

"Yours is different.  Maybe uglier, maybe not," she wrote. "But it doesn’t matter because it’s not a contest.  All we can do is use this time to let our ugly out."

Meghan's update comes after she shared an emotional note in honor of Mother's Day on Sunday, admitting to her followers that she hadn't planned on celebrating the special day for herself.

"I wasn’t looking forward to this Mother’s Day. Quarantined with 3 screaming toddlers for 9 weeks while trying to work hasn’t exactly been a prime environment for me to feel like I’m earning any mother-of-the-year awards," Meghan said. "Being prisoners in our home has killed our spirits and crushed our souls."

This was the first Mother's Day since her split from Edmonds.

"Then add this: it’s my first Mother’s Day I’m spending without a partner, something I NEVER envisioned," the Intimate Knowledge podcast co-host continued. "'Families are created out of unconditional love' I thought. 'Two parents weather life’s storms but always remain together to celebrate the subsequent rainbows' I thought. But that is not my story and that makes me feel deeply regretful - like I failed my children by not giving them a nuclear family."

In the end, Meghan changed her mindset and chose to share how proud she was on the holiday.

"But today I am refusing to dwell on mistakes and s----y situations I can’t control; today I control my reaction. I miss my step-kids who made me a mother before I had children of my own and I am sending them so much love. I miss my freedom. And I mourn the loss of what could’ve been," the former Bravo star wrote.

"But despite this I look at my beautiful tribe with pride because I am a mother to three incredible kids and I’m the only one they’ve got. To all the mamas out there, I lift you up in solidarity for all the hard times and in celebration of the good times. Hats off to us today, for all the hats we wear," she added.

Meghan King Edmonds
Credit: Meghan King Edmonds/Instagram

Meghan also had some help celebrating from her nanny, Ashley Estrada, who set up a surprise Mother's Day spread for the mother of three.

The reality TV star shared a video of the sweet surprise on her Instagram Stories, and she could be heard crying tears of gratitude in the background. The table included some adorable handmade cards from her children, a box of donuts, and a "Mom-osa Bar."

"You've outdone yourself," Meghan wrote on her Instagram Stories, tagging Estrada. "This is so incredibly touching."

Meghan later shared a video of herself soaking in the special day with a relaxing workout while Estrada took the children out to let her enjoy some "me time."

"I woke up this morning to complete and utter silence, I walk out and I saw that beautiful array that I just showed you, and they're still gone," she said of her children and nanny. "So I'm gonna do a little run on my new treadmill and jam a little bit. Happy Mother's Day!"

The mom of three and Jim married in 2014 after dating for a year-and-a-half and starred on RHOC together, giving viewers an inside look at their marriage and home life. However, last June, sexual text messages between Jim and another woman surfaced.

Though Meghan and the former baseball player tried to weather the scandal and stay together, they ultimately split in October 2019, when he filed for divorce amid rumors that he had an affair with their former nanny, Carly Wilson. (Both Jim and the nanny have denied having a sexual relationship.)

In mid-April, Jim confirmed that he’s dating Kortnie O’Connor, a woman Meghan previously identified as a friend with whom they'd once had a threesome. Jim's publicist Steve Honig told PEOPLE the couple is quarantining together at Jim’s massive St. Louis mansion.