November 07, 2008 08:00 PM

Charles Eshelman/FilmMagic

As mom to five boys, Project Runway Season 3 finalist Laura Bennett admits that having "the talk" is something she’s not entirely comfortable with. Her daughter Cleo, 20, "was always so mature and evolved," that Laura, 45, says no talk was ever necessary — but the same cannot be said for her sons. Following a recent Halloween party, at which a dozen kids engaged in "a run of the mill game of Truth or Dare," Laura says she was reminded of her "parental duty to talk about sex" with the kids. That she and the boys "don’t have the same equipment" only added to her discomfort, she writes in a humorous column for The Daily Beast.

"I don’t have a penis, I don’t even like to say the word penis, and I don’t understand the fascination they have with it or why they have the need to hold on to it like a handle. Constantly."

There was a time when an artist like Michael Jackson or Madonna "grab[bing] their groins" in a music video caused controversy, but not so for Laura’s sons. "They call it dancing," she explains. "Every time they hear music they clutch their crotch and hang on for dear life, like it’s Pavlovian."

"Music seems to remind them that it’s there, as if they had ever forgotten. Everywhere I look around here, there is a boy who needs to put his pants on."

Click ‘More’ to read about how Laura’s talk with the boys "went awry."

Laura followed some advice she found on the Internet, which said that in order to minimize confusion, she should use the anatomical names for body parts. She began substituting "penis" for "weenie" around the house but it backfired, however, when one of her sons was sent to the principal’s office for using the term at school.

"’Why did you say penis?’ [The principal] wanted to know. ‘I just had to,’ was his reply. Her solution was that he was to come to her office every morning and say penis as many times as he needed to get it out of his system. Then he could return to class and start his day. After three days, he was cured of his Tourettian outbursts and stopped visiting. Perhaps I should consider a three-day masturbatathon to put an end to this once and for all."

Laura is mom to Peik, 13, Truman, 10, Pierson, 6, Larson, 5, and Finn, 2, with husband Peter L. Shelton. Cleo is her daughter from a previous relationship.

Source: The Daily Beast

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