"When you shut yourself off to pain, you also shut yourself off to the things that can bring you joy too," Brittany Gonzales wrote

By Claudia Harmata
February 16, 2020 07:30 PM
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Kellan Lutz‘s wife Brittany Gonzales shared an update with her followers about how she’s doing after losing her baby at six months pregnant.

On Sunday, the 31-year-old shared a post after attending church with her actor husband, revealing that she has been working on letting herself feel the heartache of losing her daughter without letting it shut her off “to the things that can bring you joy too.”

“After tragedy or heartache it can be tempting to shut down so you don’t feel pain. Aka survival mode. But when you shut yourself off to pain, you also shut yourself off to the things that can bring you joy too,” she wrote in a lengthy note on Instagram. “I’ve done that in the past. More than once. I can tell you from experience it takes a LOT of work to soften your heart after you’ve let it go hard.”

“Throughout the last two weeks I’ve worked SO hard to remain soft,” Gonzales continued. “As much as I’m tired of falling apart, and want to be done finding myself crying in a ball on the floor, if I allowed myself to fall into the temptation to shut down, I know I’d be missing those special moments that have made me smile and laugh and feel happy again.”

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One of those special moments occurred on Sunday, as the couple was walking home after church.

“Today Kel and I were walking after church and I saw this sidewalk full of hearts,” Gonzales wrote. “Instead of being numb to avoid all the things that remind me of being pregnant just two short weeks ago, I was able to see a sidewalk full of hearts as a little hug for my heart letting me know God’s got us. He’s not done writing my story. Like my doctor said the day I found out our sweet baby girl didn’t have a heartbeat anymore: ‘This isn’t the end of your story. This is just a crappy chapter, but you’re going to get through this.’ ”

She added, “If you’re having a crappy chapter, this isn’t the end of your story either! You’re gonna get through this. But keep your soft heart! The world needs it!”

Gonzales first opened up about the loss earlier this month, sharing a black-and-white photo of herself on Instagram and writing an emotional farewell letter to her unborn daughter.

She later thanked her fans in a subsequent post for their messages of support and encouragement through this difficult time.

  • “Your love, support, encouragement, kindness … it’s been overwhelming in the best way. It [is] also shocking how many of you have been through the same thing. You are all superwomen,” she wrote on Instagram three days after sharing the heartbreaking news. “To those who have been vulnerable and shared your own experiences with us, we appreciate you letting us into painful chapters of your lives for the sake of showing us we aren’t alone.”
  • “This has, without a doubt, been the hardest season of my life. It feels as though within one day we went from a season that felt like a warm summer day, to the most frigid, windiest, iciest, day ever recorded,” she added.
Kellan Lutz, Brittany Gonzales
Kellan Lutz, Brittany Gonzales
| Credit: David Livingston/Getty Images

Lutz also opened up about the loss, praising his wife’s strength and calling her “my wonder woman.”

“It’s been a crazy rollercoaster of a week with a lot of emotions,” the former Twilight star wrote. “Taking heartbrokenness to a whole new level, but grateful for these past 6 months and the journey itself. In life we might not get the answers to all of our questions but we will always remain faithful!”

The actor continued, “I love you @brittanylynnlutz. Thank you for all your love, respect in this private time, understanding of this situation, and utmost support. Just know we love you all and appreciate you all and we process all differently.”