"When people ask how many kids I have, she will hear an answer that includes McCoy," Kara Keough Bosworth wrote in a tribute to her daughter and late son

By Maria Pasquini
May 14, 2020 04:22 PM
Advertisement
Kara Keough Bosworth and daughter
Kara Keough Bosworth/Instagram. Inset: Charles Sykes/Bravo/NBCU Photo Bank via Getty

Kara Keough Bosworth's late son McCoy Casey will always be close to her family's heart.

Days after opening up about the final moments both she and her daughter Decker Kate were able to share with the newborn before his death last month, Keough Bosworth, 31, shared a touching tribute to her children.

"McCoy's Big Sister," she wrote on Instagram, alongside a smiling photo of her 4-year-old in the pool. "I promise that this girl will hear about her baby brother. She will love him. She will miss him."

"When people ask how many kids I have, she will hear an answer that includes McCoy. She'll hear me wishing him a 'goodnight' and saying 'I love you' when I tuck her in," continued Keough Bosworth, who is the daughter of former Real Housewives of Orange County star Jeana Keough.

She added, "He was here. He mattered."

Never miss a story — sign up for PEOPLE's free daily newsletter to stay up-to-date on the best of what PEOPLE has to offer, from juicy celebrity news to compelling human interest stories.

Although continuing to make McCoy a part of her everyday life may "hurt" for a while, or "maybe forever," the proud mother shared that "saying his name will always make my heart leap for joy."

"I'm gonna keep saying his name for the rest of my life, and maybe eventually people won't cringe when they hear it," she wrote. "Saying my angel baby's name doesn't make me uncomfortable; it makes others uncomfortable to hear it. That's okay. I've always made others uncomfortable with the things I say — that's just me."

"For the others walking this path with me, I see you," Keough Bosworth continued. "I, too, am doodling my baby's name. I'm writing it over and over again, loving it just as much as I did when I pictured it scrawled across homework, artwork and jerseys. Loving it even more for having met the boy for whom it was intended."

"I will always be Decker & McCoy's mama," she wrote, concluding with a seeming nod to the children's book Love You Forever: "For as long as I'm living, my babies they'll be."

RELATED VIDEO: Grieving Mom Speaks Out on Dealing with 'Guilt' After Baby Dies During Home Birth

Although Keough Bosworth and husband Kyle Bosworth originally planned to welcome their second child at a hospital, amid the ongoing coronavirus crisis, they decided a home birth made more sense, as Keough Bosworth could have her doula by her side and they were just blocks away from a hospital.

McCoy, who arrived weighing 11 lbs., 4 oz., on April 6, suffered shoulder dystocia and a compressed umbilical cord during his birth, and was then transferred to a hospital, where his heart started beating again after 45 minutes of chest compressions, Keough Bosworth told Good Morning America this week.

"It seemed like an eternity. But he came back to fight, to see if he could live, and it was a miracle," she said. However, the Bravo star soon found out that her son had "extremely suppressed" brain activity, and was unlikely to recover.

"We got some milestones we didn't think we'd get," she said, which included their daughter meeting her baby brother. "We got to change his diaper. I got to get peed on, which is a boy-mom thing I didn't think I'd ever get. We got to hold him, we got to feel warmth in his body."

Reflecting on the 1-month anniversary of McCoy's birth last week, Keough Bosworth paid tribute to all the everyday activities they never got a chance to experience as a family of four.

"You would be getting the hang of pacifiers, sorting out your days and nights, and figuring out how to focus your eyes without them involuntarily crossing. I would have already bought a complete boy's wardrobe since Decker's old clothes weren’t really as unisex as I thought," she wrote on Instagram.

Keough Bosworth continued, "Your dad would be insisting that babies don't need shoes, but he'd change his mind when he saw the little kicks paired with your chubby cankles. You'd be taking your first naps in the crib, and I'd be fussing about 'the schedule.' "

"Decker would want to be holding you all the time, but you'd prefer to be spending your day wrapped around my chest. At least that much is still how it is, my sweet Mack," she adds. "Decker still wishes she could hold you more. And I still wear you on my heart all day. We miss you like crazy, baby."