Why Justin Timberlake Is Sometimes Envious of Jessica Biel's Relationship with Their Son Silas
"I have to remind myself that of course [Silas] loves me," the musician writes, adding, "But she's his mother, and that's who he wants right now"
In his first book, Hindsight: & All the Things I Can't See in Front of Me — which includes a collection of insights into his past and hundreds of photos from his personal archives — the singer-songwriter, 37, writes that during the 20/20 Experience World Tour, his “life changed forever” after the emotional moment he learned Biel, 36, was pregnant.
He had just finished a show in Detroit and Biel, whom he wed in October 2012, was scheduled to come visit him from Los Angeles in a few days. Timberlake got in the car and grabbed his phone, according to the book, out Tuesday.
“There was a text from Jess, in all capital letters. It read, ‘CALL ME NOW.’ I FaceTimed her back immediately,” Timberlake writes. “She answered with this look on her face, and I knew exactly what she was going to say. Instead, she just held up the pregnancy test, and we both started bawling.”
He continues, “I ended the tour early so I could be at home and take care of my family.”
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Originally wanting to “keep people away from [Silas]” when he was born (“We wanted him to be just for us, just for a little while,” Timberlake writes), the new parents eventually shared a photo of him.
“It was important to us to choose how to share him with the world because this is a whole new era for me,” explains Timberlake. “It’s no longer just about me. I have a wife, a child — a family. It’s terrifying. It’s invigorating. It’s more meaningful than anything I’ve ever been a part of.”
One of the biggest lessons the former ‘NSYNC member has learned from his son?
“The real winning at parenthood is getting to wake up every morning and fail over and over again,” Timberlake explains.
This past Father’s Day, Biel praised Timberlake on Instagram, “To my husband who I watch with awe everyday as he guides and teaches, encourages and supports, and above all, LOVES the sh$t, out of his own young man.”
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According to Hindsight, Timberlake is taking more time to enjoy the “small moments” and feels even more connected to his wife after the birth of their son.
But that doesn’t mean he’s perfect. In his book, the father of one reflects on the ways parenthood has helped him reevaluate his flaws and issues from his past.
“My son sometimes wants his mom; he just doesn’t want me. I can’t give him what he needs, sometimes, and he pushes me away,” he writes. “I’ll feel bad for a moment. I’ll feel inept. Why can’t I help him? Why doesn’t he love me? I have to remind myself that of course he loves me. But she’s his mother, and that’s who he wants right now.”
Such moments helped the singer realize that, while he thought he was “good about voicing” his feelings, he needs to be more open about what upsets him.
“Until I became a father, I thought I had things to be afraid of. Now I understand that I don’t have to conquer my fears,” Timberlake continues. “I just have to learn to live with them.”