Joel McHale Jokes Fatherhood Has Changed His Life: 'Instead of Wiping One, I Now Wipe Three Butts'
"I don't have that Lamborghini Diablo because of all the money I've spent on them," McHale jokes
Much like his TV persona, funnyman Joel McHale has a healthy, finely-tuned sense of humor about fatherhood.
“How have my children changed my life? I don’t have that Lamborghini Diablo because of all the money I’ve spent on them,” McHale tells PEOPLE of sons Eddie, 11 and Isaac, 8. “Instead of wiping one, I now wipe three butts. But that’s happening less and less now.”
McHale, star of the upcoming CBS sitcom The Great Indoors, admits that even though having kids takes up all your free time, he wouldn’t want to spend it any other way.
“When we’re in New York and just walking with them, I feel so happy,” he says. “Like, these are my boys, I’m walking down the street with my boys. That makes me proud. Then a TMZ reporter will come over, shove a microphone in my face, and then Eddie will go, ‘Do you know this guy?’ and then the reporter will leave and Isaac will go [mimics extreme sarcasm voice], ‘Oooo, is that one of your fans? Do they want your photo?’ They are as sarcastic as I am which is terrifying.”
The former Community star, who will release a memoir Thanks for the Money in the fall, reveals that while his kids inherited their good looks and hair from their mother, they have developed a fine talent for bargaining and negotiating.
“They literally negotiated for this shoot,” McHale says of asking his sons to participate in the PEOPLE Father’s Day photo shoot. “I said, ‘You want to do this shoot? We’re going to have a pillow fight for a photo shoot.’ And the older one was like, ‘Yeah, if I get paid.’ And then we negotiated down to $125 a piece.”
(Writer’s note: PEOPLE asked McHale’s son Eddie what he likes most about his dad. The answer: “That he gives us money,” so this particular theme rings true. McHale jokes that he offered his boys more money to answer PEOPLE’s questions.)
Despite McHale’s penchant for sarcasm, it’s clear he loves his two boys a lot.
“Having a second one is a lot of work,” McHale says of being an “overworked” father of two. “But you’re creating a playmate for your first one so, eventually it’s an investment that pays you back.”
And the best thing about having two boys? “Penis jokes,” he deadpans.
For more from Joel McHale, pick up the latest issue of PEOPLE, on newsstands now.
— Kara Warner