Jaclyn Stapp's Blog: What My Relationship with My Mom Taught Me About 'Perfect' Social Media Posts
"My mother's Arabic name, Hayat, means 'life' — and that's what she breathes into everything she does," Jaclyn Stapp writes in her newest blog for PEOPLE
Please welcome back celebrity blogger Jaclyn Stapp!
The wife of Grammy winner Scott Stapp gave birth to the couple’s third child and second son together, Anthony Issa, on Nov. 16, 2017. They are also parents to son Daniel Issam, 8½, plus daughter Milán Hayat, 12. In addition, Scott, 45, has a 20-year-old son named Jagger.
The Creed rocker’s third solo album, The Space Between the Shadows, is due out July 19. The first tracks from the album — "Purpose for Pain," "Name" and "Face of the Sun" — are available now, with a tour to follow to accompany the record. Former Miss New York USA Jaclyn, 38, is focused on CHARM, her nonprofit charity that provides education and support to underprivileged children. She is also currently writing her second children’s book.
The spouses revealed to PEOPLE exclusively in June 2017 that they would welcome another baby into the family, sharing gorgeous photos from their elegant “Royal Prince”-themed baby shower that October and sweet family photos introducing Anthony the following December.
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With three little ones at home, my life has taken me from pageant queen to mom jeans and everywhere in between. I still love to get dressed up, but the reality is that full hair and makeup just aren’t practical when you’re chronically sleep-deprived, picking melted gummy bears off the carpet and running out at 9 p.m. to buy supplies for that school project (that’s due tomorrow). As moms, some days we’re lucky to find a few minutes to shower in peace.
So seeing all the glossy, glamorized, picture-perfect representations of motherhood when I scroll through my Instagram and Facebook feeds has me thinking: Why do we have the need to make motherhood look so easy?
I will be the first to admit I’m guilty of this too! We want to share the highlight reel on social media: the Mother’s Day brunch with everyone dressed in pretty, miraculously stain-free pastels. The one vacation photo where, somehow, everyone is smiling and no one is throwing a temper tantrum. That date night where we swapped sneakers for heels.
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But the day-to-day of motherhood couldn’t be further from that. Here’s what you don’t see on social media: the overloaded bladder (fun fact: moms don’t get bathroom breaks), the never-ending hazmat risks, the frequent nighttime toe-stubbing and all the blood, sweat and tears.
‘Mom’ is one of the few jobs where you get no sick time or vacation days, no bonuses or promotions. You’ll also be on call every night for the next 18 years … but let’s face it, probably longer (I mean, I’m 38 and I still need my mom). It’s hard to capture all that in 140 characters or a filtered post, and so easy to fall into the comparison trap.
So when I need perspective, I turn off my phone and look to my own mom. An immigrant woman, she came to this country literally off the boat. Not speaking a word of English in a family of nine children, she endured unimaginable hardship. And she conquered motherhood on her own, as a widow single-handedly raising her five children.
More from Jaclyn’s PEOPLE.com blog series:
- Jaclyn Stapp’s Blog: All the Details from Our Son Anthony’s Sesame Street First Birthday Party
- Jaclyn Stapp’s Blog: A Father’s Day Tribute to My Husband (and Our Hero!) Scott
- Jaclyn Stapp’s Blog: And the Beat Goes On — Even with Baby Anthony
- Jaclyn Stapp’s Blog: Inside My Son Anthony’s Amazing Fit-for-a-Prince Nursery
- Jaclyn Stapp’s Blog: “Life Is Beautiful — But I Am Out of Shape” After Baby
Having raised us, she now helps to raise her grandkids. Folks, does it ever end? Nope: not for her, and not for me — and truthfully, not for any loving, caring mama. My mother is the one who locks the front door at night, the last person to bed and the alarm clock in the morning. She will happily give away her portion of breakfast, take the bent fork or sit on the wobbly chair.
My mother’s Arabic name, Hayat, means “life” — and that’s what she breathes into everything she does. She makes the minor things that sometimes get to me seem so silly. And let me tell you, social media is not high on her list of concerns.
The older I get, the more I realize the only person I should be comparing myself to is her — to be as giving and as loving and strong as she is … to focus more on building a life that is meaningful than one that is picture-perfect.