Hilaria Baldwin Misses Daughter Lost Before Her 'Two Rainbow Babies': 'My Heart Has Gotten to Grow'
Hilaria Baldwin is opening up about missing the unborn daughter she lost at 16 weeks pregnant, while also showing gratitude for her two "rainbow babies."
The Mom Brain podcast co-host, 37, suffered a pregnancy loss in November 2019 while expecting a baby girl with husband Alec Baldwin, seven months after experiencing another miscarriage. Hilaria then gave birth to son Eduardo "Edu" Pao Lucas in September 2020, revealing months later in March that she welcomed daughter María Lucía Victoria via surrogate.
On her Instagram Story Tuesday, the mom shared adorable clips and photos of Edu and MariLu, calling them her "two rainbow babies," adding that, "My heart has gotten to grow so much to love all of you so." In another slide, Hilaria shares that she misses her late daughter.
"There is not a day that goes by where I do not miss their older sister, who we lost at 16 weeks. There is also not a day that goes by where I don't thank my lucky stars that I have Eduardo Pau and Maria Lucia," she says. "The fact that both of those feelings can exist inside of me, simultaneously and so intensely in their polarity, blows my mind."
"Life," adds Hilaria, "has so many more layers and nuances than I could have ever dreamed."
Want to get the biggest stories from PEOPLE every weekday? Subscribe to our new podcast, PEOPLE Every Day, to get the essential celebrity, entertainment and human interest news stories Monday through Friday.
Hilaria is also mom to sons Romeo Alejandro David, 2½, Leonardo Ángel Charles, 4, and Rafael Thomas, 5½, and daughter Carmen Gabriela, 7. On Instagram last month, Hilaria shared a sweet photo of her youngest two, explaining how the arrivals of her youngest two mean even more coming after the previous pregnancy loss.
"Our hearts are filled with so much gratitude. The Baldwinitos craved so much to have a little sister," she began the caption. "Many of you may remember the loss of their sister at 4 months in the end of 2019. There isn't a day that goes by where we don't ache for our daughter. When I found out our baby had died, I told our children that their sister was going to come, just not at that time."
"Nothing will ever replace her, but two wonderful souls have come into our lives, and we are humbled to know them," continued Hilaria. "Our children were brave during our time of tremendous grief — braver than us...and they held out hope. To experience and accept life's ups and downs is challenging, but a reality that all of us have no choice but to receive and process. I have learned that often our children are wiser than we are and their wisdom has guided us."
Hilaria said Edu is their "rainbow baby" and "such a blessing." She added of her newborn daughter, "We are living each day, bonding, and grateful for all of the very special angels who helped bring Lucía into the world."