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April 06, 2018 03:40 PM

As a first-time mom, Heidi Montag has a lot of dreams for her 6-month-old son Gunner Stone.

But chief among them for The Hills alum? The hope that he doesn’t repeat the same mistakes she and her husband Spencer Pratt made in their past.

The 31-year-old reality star opened up about motherhood in an intimate Paper magazine spread, revealing that she wants Gunner to succeed in life without, as author Justin Moran puts it, “the polarizing tinge of Speidi’s legacy.”

“I just want him to enjoy his life, and not live in his parents’ mistakes or shadows,” Montag said, adding that she and Pratt discuss whether they’ll remain raising Gunner in California “where you’re not as sheltered” or moving to Colorado — where he’d be exposed to “different values.”

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Heidi Montag and son Gunner for Paper magazine
Nikko Lamere

Heidi Montag and son Gunner for Paper magazine

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“I’m not ready to share him,” Montag said. “The most sleep I get is two hours — sometimes three. I’m usually up every hour with Gunner, it’s really intense. Gunner’s given me a whole new strength that I didn’t know. I feel like I am stronger than I’ve ever been emotionally. At the end of the day, I’m his mom, and that’s my main priority.”

“It’s weird to think I was a person before Gunner,” she continued. ‘I’ve always wanted a family. I’ve been with Spencer for 11 years now, so I told him, ‘You had me alone for 10 straight years.’ We have a great marriage, and it was the perfect time for us to move into this next chapter.”

RELATED VIDEO: Heidi And Spencer Channel ‘The Lion King’ In Adorable Pregnancy Instagram Post

Elsewhere in Montag’s spread, she got very candid about her life-threatening plastic surgery procedures.

“Spencer thought he lost me,” Montag told Paper about electing to get 10 plastic surgery procedures done within 24 hours. “I died for a minute. With that much surgery, I had to have 24-hour nurse care and Spencer didn’t want to leave my side.”

She explained, “I was at a recovery center and had Demerol to deal with the pain because it was so extreme. My security guards called Spencer and told him, ‘Heidi’s heart stopped. She’s not going to make it.’ And I easily could’ve.”

RELATED: Spencer Pratt Is Sorry for All Those Times He Judged People for Their Baby Content: “Forgive Me”

The dangers of the procedures and recovery are not lost on her now. Montag described this moment in her life as hitting “rock bottom,” saying she can’t even recognize the person she was back then who risked life “for vanity.”

“A lot of positive things came out of that,” she said, acknowledging her relationship with God for helping her overcome the experience.

Added Montag, “I had to look at myself in the mirror every day healing, and be like, ‘What did I do to myself? How did I get here? What is going on?’ I basically had to hit that rock-bottom moment in my life, to realize what was important to me.”

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