Courtesy Vogue UK
While the addition of a second child can be a challenge for any family, Gwyneth Paltrow‘s own experience became more difficult when she sunk into postpartum depression after the delivery of son Moses in 2006.
“At my lowest, I was a robot. I just didn’t feel anything,” she confesses in Vogue UK‘s May issue. “I had no maternal instincts for him — it was awful.”
And while she had “no thoughts of harming him,” Paltrow’s feelings toward her newborn baby boy weren’t those of a doting mother.
“I couldn’t connect, and still, when I look at pictures of him at three months old, I don’t remember that time.”
In retrospect, Paltrow can clearly see that she ignored the signs of postpartum depression, simply going through the motions each day instead. “My problem was that I never acknowledged anything was wrong,” she says. “I didn’t put two and two together.”
Fortunately, husband Chris Martin did — and prompted his wife to seek the help she needed.
“That was such a relief when he did because it was confirmation that it wasn’t just me,” she recalls, adding that the Coldplay frontman’s intervention was “the beginning” of her road to recovery. “That was when I cracked it — I started exercising and I started thinking about working again.”
Having moved past the experience, Paltrow, 37, admits some aspects of life with an infant never seem to end. “Ever since I had kids, I am tired,” she states.
And while prioritizing her life — placing now 4-year-old Moses and daughter Apple, 5½, above everything else — has helped center her, she still struggles to strike a balance between her family and career.
“I know I take on too much. And if I’m not careful, it can tip over. I’m working on that now a lot.”
— Anya Leon