Keira Knightley Talks Post-Baby 'Smoke & Mirrors,' Plus More Celeb Moms' Hilarious Parenting Confessions

From dealing with post-birth bodily functions to unbelievable kid quotes, these parenting stories are bound to make you laugh

01 of 11

Keira Knightley Talked "Pumping. Pumping. So Much Pumping."

keira Knightley
Keira Knightley. David Parry/Getty Images

Moms with newborns know that we're all just doing our best!

Knightley joked in an interview six weeks after giving birth, "This is about the third time since I gave birth that my hair has been brushed — and I didn’t brush it." She continued, "Lovely Luke, who is my hairdresser today, he brushed it. I was in my pajamas when they got there and this is somebody else’s dress."

Then she said what all new moms know all too well: "So it’s all smoke and mirrors today."

The new mom also talked breastfeeding, explaining that she's got to be on schedule for the baby, but Knightley knows it's "the stuff that normal moms have to deal with."

The star said, “I definitely have to deal with pumping. Everyone has to deal with pumping — I mean, if you’re doing that and it’s working. If you want to do that and if you can do that — then yes, we’re pumping. Pumping. So much pumping.”

02 of 11

Olivia Wilde's Son Taught Her a Very Important Fact About Men

Olivia Wilde/Instagram

"Having an infant son alerts me to the fact that every man, at one point, has peed on his own face. #awesome," the actress tweeted about son Otis, now 5, in 2014. She and partner Jason Sudeikis are also parents to daughter Daisy, 3.

03 of 11

Kristen Bell Had to Ask Her Husband to 'Nurse' from Her

Nickelodeon's 2018 Kids' Choice Awards - Red Carpet
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The actress dealt with mastitis, or a build-up of milk in her breast duct, after one of her two daughters stopped nursing. "I was in Atlanta. We couldn't call a doctor, and this was right after the baby stopped nursing," she said on her web series Momsplaining. "So I said to my husband [Dax Shepard], 'I really need you to suck this out. We could talk about it, we could be weird about it, or you could just go ahead and nurse.' "

"He pulled it out," the actress went on. "He had a cup next to him. He was pulling out and spitting into this cup, and I've never been more in love in my life."

04 of 11

Miranda Kerr's Son Was Very Impatient to Become a Big Brother

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Kerr, who is expecting her second child with husband Evan Spiegel, shares son Flynn, 8, with ex-husband Orlando Bloom. And before she welcomed her first child with Spiegel, the big bro was definitely elated by his mom's pregnancy news. "He's so excited that Evan and I had been together for a while and he was like, 'When are we going to have another baby brother or sister?’ And we were like, 'Look, we've got to get married first,'" she recalled on Jimmy Kimmel Live. "So the day after the wedding, he comes running in and he's like, 'Mommy, is it in there?' I was like, 'Honey, give it a minute.'"

05 of 11

Kim Kardashian's Daughter Was So Jealous of Her Son That She Had to Fake Breastfeed Her

Kim Kardashian And North West Attend Ariana Grande's Dangerous Woman Concert At The Forum

The eldest Kimye kid did not cope well when little brother Saint came onto the scene. "When I was breastfeeding him, [North] was so jealous I had to get a little milk box and put it in the other bra with a straw so she would drink and he would drink," the KKW Beauty creator shared on The Ellen DeGeneres Show. "She's so jealous. It's crazy. The things you do." The Wests welcomed daughter Chicago in January 2018, and the mom-of-three said North was "doing better than she was with Saint." Now with four kids, the reality star says she's found even more balance.

06 of 11

Tina Fey's Infant Daughter Tried to Choke Her

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Fey has two daughters, Alice and Penelope. "The little one is such a … she might be a sociopath," she confessed on Late Show with David Letterman in 2013. "I was giving her a bath one night, and she was overtired — in her defense — and I said, 'Okay, bath time over.' But it wasn't okay with Penelope. She got real mad that I took her out of the bath. ... She looked me square in the eyes, and with two tiny little hands, choked me. It’s so funny because they’re not strong enough to kill you."

07 of 11

Chrissy Teigen's Daughter Only Recognized Her Dad on TV

City Harvest Gala, New York, USA - 24 Apr 2018
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Teigen and husband John Legend starred in McDonald's and Google commercials that aired during the 2018 Oscars broadcast. Their daughter Luna, then 2, was super excited ... to see one of them. "Luna keeping me humble by only shouting 'dada' at our commercial," Teigen tweeted.

08 of 11

Busy Philipps Has Permanent Bathroom Buddies

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"My daughter & I accidentally busted in on my husband in the bathroom & he got mad which is funny since I HAVEN'T PEED ALONE IN 7 YEARS," mom of two Philipps tweeted in 2015.

09 of 11

Anne Hathaway Almost Got Into a Slide Accident with her Son

68th National Book Awards
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Hathaway found herself in a precarious situation after deciding to take son Jonathan Rosebanks, then 1, on an N.Y.C. park slide. "[I was] in a skirt, which was dumb — so I pull the skirt around me and I put Johnny there, and we’re going down the slide, and now the moms are watching," she explained on The Tonight Show. "But what I hadn’t thought about was physics. So you have a 35-lb. child going down, it’s one speed, you have me and my son, it's like … not 35 lbs., so we just go around the corner and instead of slowing down like the other kids, we speed up."

"And as it speeds up, my thoughts slow down, and I just look ahead and I get very serious and very focused and I think, ‘I must stick this landing,' " she continued. "So I shoot off the slide with Johnny and I [stuck it] … And you know how it is when you've just almost killed your child but you didn't? You're shaking on the inside, you're like, 'Walk it off, walk it off, everything’s fine.' And then we went back to the swings and stayed there forever."

10 of 11

Kelly Clarkson's Daughter Locked Herself in Her Hotel Room

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Kelly Clarkson/Instagram

"Parents of the year award haha! River locked herself in her room via the connecting door. She loves to shut doors!" the singer tweeted about daughter River Rose in 2016.

11 of 11

Jennifer Garner Is Proud of Her Son's Love of Farts

City Year Los Angeles' Spring Break: Destination Education
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Garner's youngest child, Samuel, had a very important message to share: "I love farts." "In case Monday has got you down, focus on the little things that make you happy. #proudmom #ilovefarts #boymom," she captioned a photo of the sticky note declaration. The Love, Simon star and ex Ben Affleck also share daughters Violet and Seraphina.

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