September 15, 2015 04:55 PM

Fredrik Eklund‘s surrogate has suffered a miscarriage.

The Million Dollar Listing New York star — who was expecting a daughter via surrogate with his husband Derek Kaplantook to Facebook on Tuesday to reveal the devastating news.

“I’m sad to share we’ve had a failed pregnancy. I have cried so much that I can’t cry anymore. We were pregnant with twins but we’re not anymore,” Eklund, 38, writes.

“I chose to share this here, because I made this quest for Milla (and hopefully her sibling) public a long time ago.”

Courtesy Fredrik Eklund

Since announcing in April that they would be welcoming a baby girl, whom they had decided to name Milla, the couple have been showered with well wishes and piles of presents from friends, family and fans.

“Every day I meet people congratulating me and Derek on the baby news, I get baby clothes sent to the office by kind strangers, and it seems that more people are invested in our little family than I could ever imagine,” the author of The Sell writes.

“Our family is no different from yours … we just want to build our own unit of love in our own home.”

He continues, “The last couple of days I couldn’t take it anymore, to upkeep this perception of happiness and success when I’ve been a total sad mess inside. I’ve felt like a failure and that I’ll never get to where I want to go: for me and Derek to finally become parents. I’ve heard these stories so many times before, about couples who’ve tried so hard and for so long, but now I fully understand how difficult it can be.”

Eklund adds that he and Kaplan have been turning to each other for support.

“I try to zoom out and see the bigger picture. It’s hard most of the time. It gets a little better. It does. Derek is so kind, especially at night when I’ve been the saddest. We do have the dogs. We have our family and friends. They say it’s common in the first 10 weeks. Mini kisses my salty tears. And we will try again. We have to. I’m not giving up. We’re just not going to give up! We have to go on and simply try again,” he explains.

“Yet, I wonder … where is she now? Is she already out there somewhere, above? Is she waiting for us like she’s always been waiting, just a little longer? Can she see all of this, but just doesn’t have a worldly form yet to reach out, give me a sign and make me stronger?”

— Anya Leon

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