From Breastfeeding Woes to IVF Bruises: Every Time Amy Schumer Got Candid About Motherhood on Instagram
From heartbreakingly honest to breathtakingly hilarious, Schumer doesn't hold back when it comes to sharing her struggles and wins on her motherhood journey
When She Tried to Hang On to Every Second
Moms know that the worst part about having a baby is watching them grow up too quickly!
Schumer posted a photo of her in the pool with Gene, captioning the sweet photo, "I don’t want this age to end HELP!"
When She Gave In to the Chaos
Life with a toddler isn't easy, especially when said toddler manages to get the family dog on his side!
In a video posted to Instagram, Gene goes over to his mom and attempts to take some of her food. "Get outta here, Oliver Twist," she jokes to Gene, who's wearing the cutest overalls. "You had your milk!" That's when Gene gets the family's dog on his side. Schumer's pup, Tati, gives a little growl, which encourages Gene to do the same. Soon, both Gene and Tati are begging for food, prompting Schumer to say, "Everybody get away from me," but eventually giving in and sharing her snack with Gene.
"I've lost all control," she captioned the video.
When She Joked About the Real SAG Awards
Let's face it, after having a baby your body is simply not going to look exactly as it did before! In a selfie posted to Instagram, Schumer joked that after having her son, her breast simply are "#notwheretheyoncewere."
In fact, she said that she "should be nominated for a sag award," but not the ones given out by the Screen Actors Guild.
When She Showed Her Own Reality (vs. Instagram)
"Put the milk on the counter and nobody gets hurt," Schumer captioned a photo of baby Gene seemingly holding his mom hostage for some good.
When She Got Candid About Her IVF Journey
"I'm a week into IVF and feeling really run down and emotional," the star shared, explaining that she and husband Chris Fischer are "freezing [her] eggs and figuring out what to do to give Gene a sibling." The pair welcomed son Gene in May 2019.
Schumer turned to her female followers for advice, asking them to text her about any of their experiences with IVF.
When She Got a Set Visit from Gene
Okay so maybe most moms can't relate to the "set visit" part, but the "million kisses" snuck during a quick work break? For sure.
When She Admitted She Was "Afraid" to Return to Work
In a moment most working moms have, Schumer said leaving her little one for work terrified her.
“Five months today and like all moms I love him so much it hurts,” Schumer wrote on Instagram. “I’m feeling strong and good and like I’m still a human being with interests and ambitions and goals I’m excited to reach. It’s felt good to be back at work.”
“I was so worried about it and was afraid to go back after he was 3 months old,” she added. “A couple days I’ve cried from missing him. But it’s mostly good to be back and the breaks energize me to be a better mom and appreciate our time even more.”
When She Joked About Post-Pregnancy Weight Loss
The star shared this snap with her sister, writing, “Well I’ve lost 10 pounds and 100 dollars to my sister playing poker." Schumer concluded the post writing the hashtags “#norush #givememymoneybackkim.”
Fellow new mom Jessica Simpson — who recently revealed a 100-lb. post-baby weight loss — commented cheekily, "You're hot. Size only matters when it comes to men.”
When She Shared the Moment That She Found Out She Was Expecting (in Her Friend's Bathroom)
When She Complained About Being Pregnant Forever
Days before giving birth, Schumer said she felt like she had been pregnant forever.
"Oh yeah does it feel to everyone like I’ve been pregnant for a long time?" she asked. "It must be getting annoying to you all that I’m still pregnant Well imagine how I feel mother f------!!!!!!"
When She Shared What She Learned During Pregnancy
In a tender post-birth post, Schumer said that she had learned a lot while pregnant, one thing being that: "Women are the s---. Men are cool and whatever but women are f------ warriors and capable of anything."
She also opened up about her struggle with hyperemesis: "I did Pilates with strong women and went for walks. I threw up violently and felt sick mostly every day of my pregnancy. Hyperemesis is real and it’s awful. But f---, what they say is true. The second you give birth it’s gone."
She also thanked her friends for pushing her through pregnancy saying, "All my friends. Friends I’ve had for 30 years or people who encouraged me to 'keep going' or telling me 'it will be worth it.' Thank you. Every woman I encountered is so willing to help and advise you and I felt all their strength. And you were right. Thank you ladies from my family. Chris, Gene and of course Tatiana [Schumer's dog]."
Ending her post in typical Schumer fashion, she added the hashtags, "t-tsleaking #wearingadiaper"
When She Showed That It's Not Always So Glam Postpartum
Schumer captioned this photo of a family member holding Baby Gene (with some, um, personal stuff going on in the background), "MILF alert 1 o’clock."
When She Pumped Like a Pro ... But That Meant She Had Time for Little Else
New moms know that it can feel like an endless cycle of pumping. Schumer joked, "Guys what are we doing tonight?"
When She Called Out Mom Shamers for Getting Mad That She Was Performing Stand-Up Again
When Schumer posted a photo of herself on stage at the Comedy Cellar in New York City just a few weeks after giving birth, mom shamers came out in full force. Schumer responded with this photo.
"Sending out love to the moms shaming me for doing standup last night," Schumer wrote.
When She and Her Husband Did a Totally Fine Job Bathing Gene for the First Time
Nothing to see here.
It Isn't All Hard! Schumer Took a Minute to Gush Over Her Boys
She captioned the photo, "I recommend this."
When She Juggled Resting, Eating and Mom-ing in the Same Photo
In the worlds of Schumer, "This s--- is 🍌."
When She Rocked Her Hospital Underwear with Pride
Listen, it's hard enough being a new mom. Sometimes you just need to wear the hospital underwear.
What? It's Comfy!
Schumer shared photos of her walking and napping with Gene (the underwear are multifunctional, people!) five weeks postpartum. She wrote, "Hospital underwear for life!"
When She Needed a Little Push From Her Hubby
Life's a beach after a C-section, what can we say.
When She Told Everyone About a Very Personal Milestone
"First period in a year 👩🏼🚒👩🏼✈️👠⛑🎒🦑🍄☄️🏓🥊🚣🏼♀️🚗⛽️🧨💉✂️📌❣️🚩☔️🌪🌪🌪" she joked on Instagram.
When She Shut Down Someone Who Asked How She Would 'Cope' If Gene Was Diagnosed With Autism Spectrum Disorder
One of Schumer's followers commented on this adorable photo, “I’d like to see a documentary of you discovering your mate is diagnosed with autism and how you cope with the possibility that your child will be on the spectrum.”
Schumer responded, “How I cope? I don’t see being on the spectrum as a negative thing. My husband is my favorite person I’ve ever met. He’s kind, hilarious, interesting and talented and I admire him. Am I supposed to hope my son isn’t like that? I will pay attention and try to provide him with the tools he needs to overcome whatever challenges come up like all parents. I’d be disappointed if he liked The Big Bang Theory and NASCAR, not if he has ASD.”
When She Was Feeling Two Ways at Once
In a sweaty selfie with her husband, Chris, Schumer wrote, "3 months after a C playing doubles volleyball for 90 minutes!"
She added, "And I want to recommend being a parent if you can. It’s nuts."
When She Snuck in Some Cuddles Before Heading Back to Work
It's not easy for working moms to leave their child, and Schumer is no exception. The comedian shared this photo of her napping with Gene and her dog, Tati, saying, "Back to work this week. Feeling like 😳💔😢😀."