Darnell Nicole's Blog: Home Is Where the Heart (and Our Dance Party!) Is
"The routines and rituals we do daily give her a sense of stability even as our surroundings change," Darnell Nicole writes of her daughter in her new blog
Please welcome back celebrity blogger Darnell Nicole!
The star of E!’s hit reality series WAGS: Miami, Darnell is a trained dancer, actor and creative writer who worked as a choreographer and playwright after college, appearing in commercials and a few films before moving to N.Y.C. and then Miami.
Today, the 32-year-old is a mom to 4-year-old daughter Carson Cree with ex Reshad Jones. Alongside her starring stint on WAGS: Miami, Darnell can next be seen featured alongside Khloé Kardashian in the Fall 2017 Good American campaign.
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Life is crazy. I know I know, people say that so much that it has become cliché and just a thing to say. In all actuality, life is crazy! Waking up every morning is like turning the handle of a Jack-in-the-box. Death, theft, heartbreak, bankruptcy, foreclosure, illness, terrorist attacks, natural disasters, etc.
We’re all two handle turns away from a creepy clown popping into our face to tell us our dog died and somebody stole our car while our significant other was cheating with their boss because we’re broke and need money for the hospital bills our lousy insurance won’t cover after our blood work showed cause for concern, so we lost the house and still can’t go to a concert to relieve the stress since it’s too dangerous but our city is about to get tag-teamed by a hurricane, tornado and earthquake at the same time anyway, so we should all probably just live out life under the bed.
Okay, maybe I’m being a little dramatic, but the point is life is unpredictable — and as a mother, it’s sometimes terrifying.
I was put in charge of protecting an innocent little person from the millions of things that happen to people daily. I was put in charge of creating a bubble. In an ever-changing world, providing a feeling of stability for my munchkin has been priority No. 1.
As some of you know, earlier this year, my daughter and I moved out of the home we shared with her father. As Carson Cree and I were just settling into our new townhome, POP! The creepy clown emerged to inform us that toxic mold was growing in our ceilings and it would be best to relocate.
Can you imagine the guilt I felt?! I definitely had a cry session over it. I felt like uprooting her again, just as she was getting comfortable, would do some mental/emotional damage. I felt like I was failing her. Why didn’t I research the property more? Had I looked up the management company, I would have seen the complaints, the lawsuits.
This pity party of mine lasted a few days, and while we stayed at a friend’s and my realtor rushed to find something safe and suitable, I noticed something. Cree was still waking up every morning and going to sleep every night with a smile plastered on her face.
We were displaced for the second time in six months, but she seemed so unfazed.
Naturally, I sat her down and had a full conversation with her about the reason for the move and asked her how she felt about it. She’s very good at expressing herself. I love keeping an open line of communication with her and while I don’t involve her in adult problems, I do include her in conversations to ensure she is always comfortable talking to me about her thoughts and feelings.
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We were talking for only a few minutes when she interrupted me, and in this perfectly impatient tone that she has mastered at the ripe age of 4, she said, “Can we say our prayers and read our bedtime story now?”
That got me thinking … I wake her up every morning singing the same song my mom used to sing to me. If you follow me on Snapchat, I’ll occasionally snap us dancing after breakfast, which we do every morning before I take her to school, and we always say our prayers and read a book before bedtime.
She knows that no matter where we are in the world, no matter what is happening beyond the doors of our “home,” Mommy will always sing to her, dance with her, pray with her and read to her. That made me smile. The routines and rituals we do daily give her a sense of stability even as our surroundings change.
It seems at times that life will prop you up on a pedestal and then drag you down by your feet, but wherever my feet land, I will make the best of it. I’m learning to be easier on myself, to let go of trying to do everything perfectly and to understand that things will happen that are out of my control.
If I’m honest, I’ve had guilt about bringing a child into the world we live in, but we are here and there is a reason. I can’t protect her from every Jack-in-the-box moment, but I can show her how to stand back up when it knocks her off her feet.
Change is inevitable and adapting can be hard. I’m not sure where we’ll end up, but until then, I will create a bubble around my munchkin and myself and I will fill it with singing, dancing, prayers and stories. I will make us “home.”