"I know how lucky I am and I know each stage is temporary, but I'm still feeling stressed about how I'll cope mentally," said Claire Holt

By Jen Juneau
August 17, 2020 12:08 PM
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Claire Holt
Claire Holt/Instagram

Claire Holt is getting honest about her conflicting feelings ahead of her second child's arrival.

The Originals star bared her baby bump on Instagram over the weekend, sharing that she is 35 weeks along in her pregnancy. And while she's "excited to meet" her daughter on the way, she's also "SO anxious about losing it again" in the time after giving birth.

"The recovery, sleep deprivation, feedings, 2 kids 17 months apart, a pandemic ... It's a lot. I know how lucky I am and I know each stage is temporary, but I'm still feeling stressed about how I'll cope mentally," added Holt, 32.

After the birth of her now-16-month-old son James, the actress opened up on Instagram about some of the more difficult parts of new motherhood, including breastfeeding.

"This was me yesterday after struggling through a tough feed," Holt began her caption alongside an April 2019 photo that showed her eyes visibly filled with tears as her baby boy seemed to be sleeping soundly on her shoulder. "Exhausted, in pain, feeling defeated. I've had many moments like this since my son arrived. My only concern is making sure his needs are met, yet I often feel that I'm falling short."

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Holt referred to motherhood as "an overwhelming combination of bliss and self-doubt," but admitted she was attempting to "remind myself that I can't be perfect" and that she "can't be everything for everyone."

"I just have to do my best and take it one hour at a time," she continued at the time. "Thankfully, this little guy is worth every second of struggle. Mamas out there — tell me I'm not alone?"

In her Instagram post this past weekend, Holt said she thought it was "important to share" that she has "always had help" at home, insisting that she "never want(s) to pretend that I do it on my own (I am completely in awe of women who do)."

"That being said, I still felt overwhelmed, embarrassed/guilty that I was struggling, and not at all like myself after I gave birth," she added. "Did anyone have a totally different postpartum experience the second time? Tips?"

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In July of last year, Holt — who also previously opened up about her miscarriage before James and his difficult birth — said during an episode of the Informed Pregnancy Podcast with Dr. Elliot Berlin that adjusting to parenthood was "nothing like I ever imagined," and she considered herself "a giant failure for the first month" of her son's life.

Holt explained that she was largely consumed by worry over baby James' health, especially because the newborn swallowed a lot of amniotic fluid during his birth. "I don't think I had postpartum depression in any way, but I definitely had the blues and I definitely felt like I was doing everything wrong," she said. "I had tremendous anxiety about his health and his safety."

The Australian star said the incident kick-started a downward spiral that intensified when she began breastfeeding and had trouble getting James to latch. But since welcoming her son with husband Andrew Joblon, Holt shared that things have turned around and she hoped to add to her brood.

"Right when he came out, I wanted four [kids]. After the first month, I wanted to give him back. And now I want 10," she said. "I just love it so much. I don't know if my body or my husband hope I have 10, but we'll see."