Chrissy Teigen Says She's 'Sad' She'll Never Be Pregnant Again but Feels 'Lucky' to Have Her 2 Kids
Chrissy Teigen lost her son — whom she and her husband John Legend named Jack — after 20 weeks of pregnancy in September
Chrissy Teigen is learning to heal after suffering the loss of her son.
On Wednesday morning, the 35-year-old model and cookbook author shared a photograph of herself on Instagram, where she candidly spoke about her body, mourning that she will never be pregnant again following the loss of her son — whom she and husband John Legend named Jack — after 20 weeks of pregnancy in September.
"This is me and my body, just yesterday. Even though I'm no longer pregnant, every glance in the mirror reminds me of what could have been," Teigen writes. "And I have no idea why i still have this bump, honestly. It's frustrating."
Then, noting that she is "proud of where this entire journey took my body and mind in other ways," Teigen adds, "I love being pregnant, so so much, and I'm sad I never will be again."
"But I am lucky to have two amazing little ones who are transforming into big little people more and more every single day," she says.
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On Tuesday, Teigen shared a video of herself on her Instagram Story after a therapy session.
Noticeably emotional in the clip, Teigen joked around with her social media followers and made light of her situation. "This is like a post-therapy face filter," she says in the video, before she sniffles and adds, "Those are boogers."
Last month, Teigen and Legend told PEOPLE they have been able to find a "little bit of sunshine" recently as they continue to grieve the loss of their son.
"You learn how to cope with it. I am very proud to say that there's multiple different therapies I'm using to hopefully become the same person that I was, and I'm okay with that," Teigen said. "I'm okay with allowing myself to have bad days and good days."
In a candid message last month, Teigen told fans on Twitter that she hasn't been active on social media "because I'm honestly in a bit of a grief depression hole but do not worry as I have so much help around me to get better and I'll be fixed soon."
"they'll call when im better and ready for pickup and u can swing by and grab me ok?" she jokingly added at the time. "thank u and love you!"
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Then, after celebrating a downsized Thanksgiving with her family — including son Miles Theodore, 2½, and daughter Luna Simone, 4½ — Teigen wrote on Instagram that, while it's been "brutal" lately, she feels like she's improving mentally.
"when I'm old and grey, I will look back on the last two months as being brutal, exhausting, sad, physically challenging, mentally painful bitches of a couple months. But I refuse to not find humor in both the rage-fits and the outfits," she said at the time.
"I already see the leaves as orange instead of grey, realized the sky is indeed blue and not black and horn honks on my forced morning walks only bring me to my knees half the time," added Teigen. "I can make it up my stairs only stopping once or twice instead of every other, and can get out of the bathtub all by myself as long as I have the promise john will dry me off."