"I refuse to not find humor in both the rage-fits and the outfits," she wrote while reflecting on the "brutal, exhausting" grieving process

By Benjamin VanHoose
November 27, 2020 01:44 PM
Advertisement

Chrissy Teigen is offering her followers a hopeful update, days after revealing she fell into "a grief depression hole."

The cookbook author, who turns 35 on Monday, and her husband John Legend lost their unborn son, whom they named Jack, after 20 weeks of pregnancy, she revealed on Instagram Sept. 30. Earlier this week, she told fans on Twitter that she hasn't been active on social media "because I’m honestly in a bit of a grief depression hole but do not worry as I have so much help around me to get better and I’ll be fixed soon."

"they’ll call when im better and ready for pickup and u can swing by and grab me ok?" she joked at the time. "thank u and love you!"

On Friday, after celebrating a downsized Thanksgiving with her family — including son Miles Theodore, 2, and daughter Luna Simone, 4 — Teigen wrote on Instagram that, while it's been "brutal" lately, she feels like she's improving mentally.

"when I’m old and grey, I will look back on the last two months as being brutal, exhausting, sad, physically challenging, mentally painful bitches of a couple months. But I refuse to not find humor in both the rage-fits and the outfits," she said.

"I already see the leaves as orange instead of grey, realized the sky is indeed blue and not black and horn honks on my forced morning walks only bring me to my knees half the time," added Teigen. "I can make it up my stairs only stopping once or twice instead of every other, and can get out of the bathtub all by myself as long as I have the promise john will dry me off."

"anyhow the point is," she concluded, "f------------k, I think it’s happening ❤️."

Never miss a story — sign up for PEOPLE's free daily newsletter to stay up-to-date on the best of what PEOPLE has to offer, from juicy celebrity news to compelling human interest stories.

On Thursday, the star posted a photo of herself on Instagram, smiling while cooking a Thanksgiving meal. "happy thanksgiving, my loves," she captioned the pic. Legend, 41, meanwhile, posted a happy photo of Teigen with Luna and Miles on his own Instagram page, writing: "So so grateful for these three. Happy Thanksgiving!"

Teigen has been open about her mental health struggles in the past, revealing in a personal essay for Glamour in 2017 that she suffered postpartum depression and anxiety after welcoming Luna.

After taking a social media hiatus to mourn after suffering the pregnancy loss, the Lip Sync Battle host returned online and opened up about her grief and the outpour of support she has received in a Medium essay last month.

"People say an experience like this creates a hole in your heart," she wrote. "A hole was certainly made, but it was filled with the love of something I loved so much. It doesn’t feel empty, this space. It feels full."

RELATED VIDEO: John Legend Says He's Most 'Thankful' for Chrissy Teigen This Year: 'She's Been So Courageous'

Recently, Teigen and Legend told PEOPLE that they have been able to find a "little bit of sunshine" over the last several weeks as they continue to grieve the loss of their son.

"You learn how to cope with it. I am very proud to say that there's multiple different therapies I'm using to hopefully become the same person that I was, and I'm okay with that," Teigen said. "I'm okay with allowing myself to have bad days and good days."

She added that she's also gained a new perspective after going through a difficult pregnancy and public loss.

"I love to clap back, as they say. I love to get someone back for saying something nasty to me, but I think through this I've gained a point of empathy where I can actually understand that [people] might have some s--- going on themselves," said Teigen. "I think it's never a bad thing to learn to be a better, kinder person."