"I projected so many insecurities onto an experience that was truly one of the most powerful, magical moments of my life," writes Bekah Martinez

By Jen Juneau
August 05, 2020 02:00 PM
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Bekah Martinez is looking past her "insecurities" to give a candid look at "one of the most powerful, magical moments of [her] life."

On Tuesday, The Bachelor season 22 contestant shared a video of her son Franklin James' June 19 home water birth and the moments before she and boyfriend Grayston Leonard welcomed him into the world.

Throughout the clip, Martinez, 25, is shown laboring throughout her home and in the birthing tub, emitting groans of pain during contractions, while women gathered around fan her to keep her cool. Around halfway through, Franklin is actually shown being born in the tub.

The mother of two admits that she "felt nervous about sharing this video" initially, despite the birthing experience being "beyond what she could have hoped for" and "a dream come true."

Bekah Martinez's home birth
Lauren Guilford

"Strangely though, the footage felt so raw and primal that I was actually uncomfortable watching it back," Martinez recalls in her video caption.

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Bekah Martinez's home birth
Lauren Guilford
Bekah Martinez's home birth
Lauren Guilford

The former reality star "came to a couple conclusions" after sitting with her feelings for a bit. First, "I truly was scared of the mean things people might say about something so sacred to me," she shares.

"But also, more importantly, I realized that I felt uncomfortable watching myself in that much POWER," Martinez continues. "I realized I still had so many negative, subconscious, deeply-embedded thoughts telling me that I wasn't feminine enough; that I looked and sounded weird. I projected so many insecurities onto an experience that was truly one of the most powerful, magical moments of my life."

"This is a moment worth sharing; so in advance — f— the haters ♥️," she concludes, before going on to thank Leonard, her videographer, her midwife and her mother.

Among the supportive comments was one from Jamie Otis, who told Martinez, "Legit in tears watching this! You are a warrior, mama!"

"Thank you for helping me (and so many women) realize the strength we have within on so.many.levels!" added the fellow mom and Bachelor alum. "Thank you so much for sharing this! I'm in awe of you! Love you, Bekah! 💗💗💗"

RELATED VIDEO: Bekah Martinez Says She Didn't Plan to Nurse 17-Month-Old Daughter "This Long": "Here We Are"

Martinez — who competed for Arie Luyendyk Jr.'s heart on The Bachelor and now hosts a podcast, Chatty Broads — previously opened up on the podcast about her birth story, including why she chose to deliver at home this time around as opposed to a birthing center like she did with daughter Ruth Ray De La Luz, now 18 months.

The new mom of two also wanted "more of a hands-off approach" this time around when it came to her midwife — and while she "didn't really have a plan" for the birth, she was hoping it would be "really easy" since Ruth's delivery was uncomplicated just over a year earlier.

"I was like, 'I want this to be a joyful experience.' It was very exhausting and long with Ruth. I was like, 'I want this to be fun,' " Martinez said of the "vibe" she was going for. "I want[ed] to be laughing and joking with people in between contractions."

"[He] came fully out in one contraction," she added of Franklin's entry into the world. "I felt the ring of fire briefly, but not really. It was just fast. It was all one push and his head was out."

Martinez didn't open her eyes until the baby's body was out — which happened with the next contraction. "He didn't even cry for the first few minutes. It was like he didn't even know he had been born," she said. "He just sat there in my lap with his eyes closed."