Bekah Martinez Explains Approach to Gender Norms After Criticized for Calling Daughter 'Pretty'

Bekah Martinez shared her approach to gender expression and said she encourages her son and daughter "to question norms and march to the beat of their own drum, however that may look"

Bekah Martinez
Photo: Bekah Martinez/ instagram

Bekah Martinez is conscious of gender norms while raising her daughter and son.

On Tuesday, the Bachelor alum, 26, shared two photos on her Instagram Story, one of her 14-month-old baby son Franklin James playing and another of her 2½-year-old daughter Ruth Ray De La Luz smiling for the camera. She wrote, "big strong guy" on the first and "my pretty girl" on the second — and a follower DM'd Martinez asking why the captions were "so gender stereotypical."

"cause he's being strong in his pic and she's being pretty in her pic. chill guys lmao," she wrote on her Instagram Story.

When another person DM'd her to assert, "Literally why do we have to feel bad in today's society for falling under what we were biologically born as," Martinez took the opportunity to clarify that gender norms can be restrictive or dangerous.

"okay but you do know 'pretty' and 'strong' aren't a part of biological sex, right?" she wrote. "if we're talking about biology, we literally just get born with certain reproductive organs and a cocktail of hormones that differs from person to person. ... and some people aren't born with genitals that can be clearly defined as female or male, it's called intersex."

"but," she continued, "a lot of parents choose to operate on infants to make them clearly 'male' or 'female'. it's pretty f----d imo [in my opinion]."

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When another follower asked what Martinez would do if she had a child who was born intersex, the reality star said she is "not sure how exactly I would handle it, but I would definitely NOT operate on my newborn or my young child unless there was some kind of physical dysfunction causing pain, etc."

"I don't believe in altering someone's genitalia before they can give consent, it's the same reason we didn't circumcise," added Martinez. "I would probably just have conversations from a young age about how their parts are different and unique from others. Not sure how we would handle gender terms, it would be an ongoing discussion for sure and I would want to hear the perspectives of other intersex individuals."

Bekah Martinez parenting
Bekah Martinez/ instagram

Martinez also shared videos elaborating on her viewpoint, explaining that society places "made-up" norms and expectations on men and women that aren't rooted in factual differences. She wrote in a conclusion of the discussion that she has "two beautiful, strong children who I always always encourage to question norms and march to the beat of their own drum, however that may look."

RELATED VIDEO: Bekah Martinez Says Having 2 Kids Gave 'Huge Boost of Motivation' to Complete College Degree

Speaking with Parents Latina for the magazine's April/May 2021 issue earlier this year, Martinez opened up about the pressures she sometimes feels to be a "perfect mom." Talking of the "pressures we put on ourselves," she said, "We have so many standards for being the perfect mom. I try to be aware of that and then force myself to confront those expectations."

Martinez also highlighted the joy she finds in parenthood, particularly the boost she gets when she sees her kids are happy.

"When you're a parent, you'll go to the ends of the earth to make your kids smile," she said. "Grayston will gladly sing 'Let It Go,' from Frozen. I love the song 'Shiny,' from Moana. I always do a whole performance as a crab and get really into character. Forget trying to be cool — nothing makes you happier than seeing your children happy."

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