The actor stopped by The Tonight Show Wednesday to gush about his 2-year-old daughter Wyatt, trade fatherhood tips with host Jimmy Fallon and talk about “getting ready to go from zone to man-to-man” as his wife’s due date grows near.
However, Kutcher is less prepared this time around.
“The first one, I almost became a doula. I was reading every book. I was ready. I had like a catcher’s mitt on,” The Ranch star joked. “This one, I haven’t done anything. I’m like, ‘Well, we didn’t break the first one.’ They’re really durable — that’s what you realize. They don’t break very easily.”
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During an appearance on Today Thursday morning, the actor admitted he’s “terrified” about becoming a family of four.
“How am I gonna run after this one and deal with – I thought the first one was exhausting in the beginning,” he confessed. “I’m a little terrified, to be honest.”
Kutcher, 38, and Kunis, 33, recently celebrated their firstborn’s second birthday, complete with a Peppa Pig-themed bash, he shared with Fallon, who has two young daughters of his own and was all too familiar with the animated character.
“It’s in my dreams,” the late night host shared. “It’s in my nightmares!”
“And they don’t leave you!” Kutcher added.
But likely the most frustrating part of the birthday bash was opening the presents — a task that Kutcher points out is a load of work for parents nowadays.
“You have to have a toolbox just to get it out,” he lamented. “We have ruined opening presents for kids. She opens it and then it takes dad like a half hour to cut the plastic swizzle sticks off and break it.”
Kutcher decided that everything is “too safe now,” recalling how he would ride around in the back of a pickup truck growing up.
“Now, it’s like you’ve got the kids backwards, reverse hold on the choke, and they’re in the car seat like…sucking on their knee…’Is she alive?!’ You can’t see,” he complains. “It’s gymnastics having children.”
The actor so vividly imitated children in their car seats that he ripped the seat of his pants.
“I think I just tore it,” he said. “I think I had a nut hanging out of my pants.”
— Stephanie Petit