Alison Sudol Reveals She Suffered Miscarriage: 'Most Devastating, Raw, Unavoidable Kind of Grief'

"It doesn't matter how much I've processed it or worked through it – I've written an entire album about it! It just remains a wound," Alison Sudal says of her miscarriage

Alison Sudol attends the "Fantastic Beasts: The Secrets of Dumbledore" world premiere at The Royal Festival Hall on March 29, 2022 in London, England.
Photo: Tim P. Whitby/Getty

Alison Sudol is getting candid about her painful journey to motherhood.

In a new interview with Expectful co-founder and CEO Nathalie Walton, the Fantastic Beasts star, 37, opens up for the first time about a miscarriage she suffered, her second pregnancy and what she's learned as a first-time mom.

"Seeing that positive test is just such an extraordinary life change — it's like nothing else that I've ever experienced before where you're kind of going on one path and then you find out that you're pregnant and your life completely changes," Sudol says of her first pregnancy.

"And so, I think it's this difficult concept for a lot of people to take in, especially if you haven't had a miscarriage. The grief is very, very deep and profound because … you haven't met that person yet but your whole world opens up to them in that moment."

"Finding out you are pregnant, I found that it was such an emotional journey, it was so many more feelings than I was prepared for or could process at the time," she continues. "Then losing that pregnancy was just the most devastating, raw, unavoidable kind of grief that I've ever gone through."

Speaking about her miscarriage, which she says happened in her first trimester, Sudol says her grief was very different from when she experienced other losses in her life. "With this loss, I just couldn't put myself back together," she explains.

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Alison Sudol Reveals She Suffered Miscarriage: 'Most Devastating, Raw, Unavoidable Kind of Grief'
Alison Sudol

Despite having "processed" the loss, Sudol says her grief is something that "just remains."

"It doesn't matter how much I've processed it or worked through it. I've written an entire album about it," she shares. "But it just remains."

Sudol says during her first pregnancy, she was "so deeply anxious" whereas in her second she tried to "find happiness in little things" and "enjoy being pregnant."

As for her labor with her now 1-year-old baby, the actress says she went through a "series of lucky things" and was able to "get the birth that I had dreamed about."

Sudol also opens up about the importance of self-care as a parent, sharing that she finds that she's a "better mom, a better partner and just a gentler person to be around" if she "takes a minute to do something nice [for herself]."

"It doesn't have to be, you know, like extravagant but taking a shower and then putting a nice lotion on afterward," she says. "And taking a minute with my body sometimes, it's not really taking that much time but it's taking a breath and between sort of practical things to notice where you're at."

At the end of the conversation, Sudol emphasizes the importance of helping and supporting other women on their motherhood journeys.

"There is a whole universe of women who have also gone on this journey. I think we need to support each other because it's a big responsibility and there are big sacrifices," she says. "There are big fears to face and I think, the more we can open the doors to our innermost hearts to each other and support each other through that the better."

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