Why Ali Fedotowsky-Manno Initially Didn't Feel Like She 'Deserved' Support After Miscarriage

"I didn't want people feeling sorry for me," Ali Fedotowsky-Manno tells PEOPLE of her feelings in the wake of her miscarriage

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Published on August 11, 2020 12:15 PM

Ali Fedotowsky-Manno has allowed herself to grieve her recent miscarriage, but the feelings she had about seeking support from outside sources were complicated at first.

"I think a lot of the reasons women don't share about miscarriages is because there is shame involved," The Bachelorette alum, 35, tells PEOPLE in an exclusive chat surrounding her partnership with California Walnuts. "I always thought the shame was because your body couldn't carry a baby in that moment."

"But for me, where the shame came was not feeling that I deserved any sort of support after — feeling that what I went through wasn't the same as someone who goes through it when they'd been trying for years or they were 20 weeks pregnant," Fedotowsky-Manno says. "I have two beautiful children. So my experience didn't begin to compare to those, so I felt shame in being supported."

The former reality star admits she "did not want to post" the news initially, as it "felt wrong" and she had gotten "a lot of [grieving] out" and "processed" her loss beforehand. "I didn't want people feeling sorry for me," she adds. "It's too personal almost. But I know that what happened was very emotional for me and it was difficult to go through."

"I realized all of the reasons I didn't want to post were the reasons I had to post," Fedotowsky-Manno continues of sharing her story on social media. "So I wanted to let people know, I'm with you. I probably will never go into detail because to me it's too personal, but I wanted to let people know that I see them and I'm there for them."

Ali Fedotowsky-Manno and daughter Molly. California Walnuts

Fedotowksy-Manno — who shares son Riley Doran, 2, and daughter Molly Sullivan, 4, with husband Kevin Manno — says that while she has "more time" and is "less stressed" while social distancing at home with her family amid the coronavirus pandemic, "things wear on you" at times.

"It's started to feel like Groundhog Day," she tells PEOPLE. "We wake up, go through the same routine, go to bed. It's worn on me mentally but at the end of the day we're totally good and we're trying to make the best of all this time together."

Perhaps surprisingly, spending time at home with her young children has actually given the Home & Family star "a lot more patience" with them.

"I'm not a perfect mom, but before I would be out of the house doing my show and then working at home," she says. "My time was more limited and I was more stressed. So now I have more time and I'm less stressed. I think people are realizing you can minimize your life and enjoy it more — and take a breath."

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Mealtimes at home for Fedotowsky-Manno and her family are often whipped together in a pinch, thanks to her Vitamix and some creative, simple and tasty recipes.

"I make this walnut Parmesan spread and I'm telling you, it is the most delicious thing," she says. "I can blend it up in the Vitamix in 10 seconds. Or I'll get a veggie tray and put that out. I also make a walnut curry hummus — when you add the walnuts, it makes it taste a little bit creamier. Sometimes I'll add cinnamon and it's a sweet hummus."

As for her kids' palates, "Molly is such a good eater," Fedotowsky-Manno shares, adding that her daughter "will experiment with anything" culinary.

On the other hand, "Riley is a bit more picky. He likes walnut peanut butter with jelly. And we have a garden. We're vegetarian. Riley will pick spinach from the garden; it makes them see a different side of food."