Ryan Adams Pens Apology Letter a Year After Abuse Allegations: 'No Words to Express How Bad I Feel'
"Having truly realized the harm that I've caused, it wrecked me, and I'm still reeling from the ripples of devastating effects that my actions triggered," Ryan Adams said
In an essay for the Daily Mail and verified to PEOPLE by Adams' attorney Andrew Brettler, the musician, 45, apologized for his past actions, saying that "there are no words to express how bad I feel about the ways I've mistreated people throughout my life and career."
At the time, Adams denied the claims to the Times via his attorney Brettler.
"All I can say is that I'm sorry," the singer wrote in his essay, which was published on Friday. "It's that simple. This period of isolation and reflection made me realize that I needed to make significant changes in my life. I've gotten past the point where I would be apologizing just for the sake of being let off the hook and I know full well that any apology from me probably won't be accepted by those I've hurt."
Adams added, "I get that and I also understand that there's no going back."
Adams said that while his apology will "seem like the same empty bulls—" to a lot of people, he said that "this time it is different."
"Having truly realized the harm that I've caused, it wrecked me, and I'm still reeling from the ripples of devastating effects that my actions triggered," he shared. "There is no way to convince people that this time is truly different, but this is the albatross that I deserve to carry with me as a result of my actions."
"Realizing the consequences of my actions, I took a hard look inwards and sought to find the truth behind them," Adams explained. "I made a promise to myself that no matter what it took, I would get to the root of these issues and finally start to fix myself so I could be a better friend, a better partner, and a better man overall."
The "Heartbreaker" singer also wrote that "no amount of growth will ever take away the suffering I had caused."
"I will never be off the hook and I am fully accountable for my harmful behavior, and will be for my actions moving forward," he said. "In my effort to be a better man, I have fought to get sober, but this time I'm doing it with professional help. Sobriety is a priority in my life, and so is my mental health. These, as I'm learning, go hand in hand."
"But I will not bore anyone with stories of my demons or use them to excuse what I've done," he wrote. "I really want to express that I've internalized the importance of self-care and self-work. I'm really trying."
"I hope that the people I've hurt will heal," Adams shared. "And I hope that they will find a way to forgive me."
In the Times report from last year, Moore, 36, claimed that when she was married to Adams, he “discouraged” her from working with other producers and managers, but after writing songs together Adams would “replace her with other female artists” when it came time to record the tracks
The This Is Us star also said he was "psychologically abusive" and belittled her musical abilities. "His controlling behavior essentially did block my ability to make new connections in the industry during a very pivotal and potentially lucrative time — my entire mid-to-late 20s," Moore told the Times.
However, Adams denied ex Moore's claims at the time, saying her "characterization" of their relationship is "completely inconsistent with his view."
In 2016, the year Moore's divorce from Adams was finalized, the actress spoke with PEOPLE about her six-year marriage and moving on after a painful divorce.
“I wasn’t a participant in my own life for a while,” she said. “I poured so much of myself into my personal life and when that wasn’t as fruitful as I hoped it would be and I extricated myself from that situation, I was able to realize I wasn’t honoring myself and my dreams and what I wanted in life.”
If you suspect domestic violence, call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233, or go to thehotline.org. All calls are toll-free and confidential. The hotline is available 24/7 in more than 170 languages.