“They always say, ‘Time heals,’ ” she told Rolling Stone in a revealing new interview for the publication’s latest issue. “But it really doesn’t. You get used to it. I live life with the mentality of ‘OK, I lost the only thing that has ever been important to me. ‘ “
She added: “So going forward, anything bad that happens can’t be nearly as bad as what happened before. So I can handle it.”
Michael died of cardiac arrest in June 2009 at his Los Angeles home. He was 50. After his death, his daughter, who had been homeschooled, agreed to attend private school — where, she said, she didn’t fit in at all.
“I was doing a lot of things that 13-, 14 and 15-year-old’s shouldn’t do. I tried to grow up to fast and I wasn’t really that nice of a person,” Jackson said, noting that she experienced cyberbullying.
“The whole freedom-of-speech thing is great. But I don’t thing that our Founding Fathers predicted social media when they created all of these amendments and stuff.”
By the time she was 15, Jackson had attempted suicide “multiple times,” she said. In June 2013, one of those attempts made headlines — the teen was hospitalized after slashing her wrists and taking 20 painkillers.
“It was just self-hatred,” she told Rolling Stone. “Low self-esteem, thinking that I couldn’t do anything right, not thinking I was worthy of living anymore.” Along with depression and drug addiction, Jackson dealt with the ever-present scrutiny that comes with being the child of one of the world’s most famous pop stars. Among the many speculations that have circulated about the mysterious famous family, is the rumor that Michael may not be Jackson’s biological father — a claim Jackson fervently disputes.
“He is my father. He will always be my father. He never wasn’t, and he will never not be,” Jackson said of the “Thriller” singer. “People that knew him really well say they see him in me, that it’s almost scary.”
“I consider myself black,” she continued, noting that her father always told her, “You’re black. Be proud of your roots.”
Jackson’s mother is Debbie Rowe, to whom Michael was married from 1996 – 1999.
“If you wanna be bigger than me, you can,” she recalled Michael telling her. “If you don’t want to be at all, you can. But I just want you to be happy.”
Jackson has recently dabbled in modeling and acting, but said she shares her father’s passion for healing the world.
“I was born with this platform,” she said. “Am I gonna waste it and hide away? Or am I going to make it bigger and use it for more important things?”