Kelly Osbourne is speaking out about her own addiction struggles in the wake of Demi Lovato‘s apparent drug overdose, explaining the fear of relapsing addicts face and describing how rehab will never truly fix the problem.
A friend of Lovato’s, Osbourne was scheduled to appear on Wednesday’s episode of the British TV show Loose Women — an appearance she called “an awful coincidence.”
Lovato, 25, was found unconscious in her Hollywood Hills, California, home on Tuesday, and was rushed to a Los Angeles hospital. She is currently “stable” and recovering, a source close to the singer told PEOPLE.
“I can’t imagine what Demi’s going through right now, even though I know what it’s like to have the whole world talk about you in your most vulnerable state,” Osbourne said, referencing her long history with addiction — the biggest of which she said was drugs and alcohol.
“We know each other,” she added. “Look, I will never speak on behalf of Demi because that wouldn’t be right. I can only share about what I’ve been through and what I know from myself. And that is, relapse is one of the hardest things we face as an open addict who has gone through the program and turned their life around.”
According to Osbourne, no matter how much rehab an addict goes to, it never truly gets rid of that scratch. And no one can stop you when you’re ready to itch.
“People need to know rehab doesn’t fix you, it just helps you to get yourself on the right track,” she said. “You’re never fixed. You spend your whole entire life doing everything you can to never pick up and use again.”
“As an addict, when I wanted to relapse — when I wanted to use — I could have sober companions, I could have my parents there, I could have my best friends, I could have people who love and care and would do anything for me [and] If I wanted to get it, I would get it. It’s got nothing to do with the people around you, per se.”
She continued: “When you want it, you will get it. There’s no such thing as embarrassment when you’re an addict. You skip that and go straight to shame. You shame yourself so hardcore.”
Addiction “does not discriminate,” Osbourne said, adding that it’s a disease with which people are born.
“It doesn’t matter who you are, where you come from, what you believe in. It takes hold of anyone and everyone if it can,” Osbourne said. “It’s an obsessive compulsive disorder, it’s mental health, it’s something that I believe I was born with. I was doing things from such a young age that weren’t normal. Like my mum turning around and I was swigging on children’s Tylenol even though I knew it was wrong because I liked the taste. When I look back and think about that, that’s not normal.”
Osbourne first encountered drugs was when she was 13 years old, she told PEOPLE in a 2009 interview, when she gained access to liquid Vicodin after she had her tonsils removed. Her battle for sobriety lasted for six years. It included four visits to rehab, six detoxes and one visit to a mental institution.
She was finally able to clean up her act and get sober because she made the choice to.
“For me, it was either I was going to die, or I was going to get help,” she said. “I decided that I wanted to live, that life is worth living and that I have an incredible family and friends and why am I allowing myself to be so miserable?”
The Fashion Police alum had hit rock bottom, she said, when she reached “a spiritual low.”
“For me, it wasn’t necessarily I’d lost my job, because I was still working and functioning through all of it,” she recalled. “I was so unbelievably miserable, I didn’t care if I lived anymore or not. I didn’t care what happened to me, I didn’t care who I woke up next to. I just didn’t care about anything.”
“I was looking out my window — I live in this apartment building and you could see everything below — and I knew what time everybody was coming home and what they did. And I was like, ‘What is happening to my life that I know all this?’ ” she said. “I haven’t been to a grocery store for myself in two years, I haven’t done anything, I’m not a functioning human being, I am chemically dependent to function. I couldn’t live like that anymore.”
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Now sober for years, Osbourne says that the struggle is a daily battle.
“Every day I fight to stay clean,” she said. “I fight and do whatever I have to do to be a better person. I am so comfortable being numb and numbing myself. I never did drugs to party. I did drugs because I hate feeling… and used to be incapable, even if it was good things and happy, I didn’t think I deserved it.”
“Sitting in a moment and being uncomfortable in that moment is really hard for me, but that feeling is so much better than the feeling that you have to face when you have messed up, when you have to go back and say, ‘I have relapsed’ and face your life when it’s a mess,” she recalled. “
As for Lovato, Osbourne asked fans to send the star love. “People need to just show love and pray for her and know that it’s okay, just get back on track again.”
Meanwhile, Lovato’s publicist released a statement Tuesday evening confirming Lovato is recovering. “Demi is awake and with her family who want to express thanks to everyone for the love, prayers and support. Some of the information being reported is incorrect and they respectfully ask for privacy and not speculation as her health and recovery is the most important thing right now.”
The Disney Channel alum has battled addiction, mental illness and disordered eating for years. In 2010, she entered treatment, where she was treated for bipolar disorder, bulimia, self-harm and addiction. She relapsed after she left the treatment center, then entered a sober living facility for a year.
Tuesday’s hospitalization comes four weeks after Lovato revealed she had relapsed after six years of sobriety. “Mama, I’m so sorry I’m not sober anymore,” she sang in the emotional single, “Sober,” released June 21. “And daddy please forgive me for the drinks spilled on the floor.”
If you or someone you know is in need of help, please contact the SAMHSA substance abuse helpline at 1-800-662-HELP.