"I was distant because I was ashamed," Bieber tells Billboard

By Chancellor Agard
November 06, 2015 01:20 PM
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Gareth Cattermole/Getty

Justin Bieber is sharing how his personal and legal turmoil took a deep toll on his relationship with his mother.

Speaking to Billboard, Bieber, 21, admits his connection with his mom Pattie Mallette, 39, has been “pretty nonexisting.”

“I was distant because I was ashamed,” Bieber says. “I never wanted my mom to be disappointed in me and I knew she was.”

The singer says he’s working on rebuilding the trust that was lost during the two years he and Mallette didn’t speak. He concedes that reconnecting is hard because Mallette lives in Hawaii.

“She’s an amazing woman and I love her,” the “Sorry” singer says.

Mallette got candid about being Bieber’s mother in late 2013, telling PEOPLE, “When your kids hit a certain age your parenting style changes and it is hard letting go. His life was my life and now I’ve had to let him go a little bit and let him be independent. It is hard to not be able to control everything that your adult child does.”

Bieber is preparing to release his fourth studio album, Purpose, on Nov. 13. (Preorder here.) So far, he’s released three songs from the new LP: “What Do You Mean,” which he performed at the MTV Video Music Awards, “Sorry” and “I’ll Show You.”

In the same Billboard interview, Bieber talks about childhood stardom being “toughest thing in the world” and opened up about how he’s trying to turn his life around after almost letting fame “completely destroy him.”

“It might be awesome from the outside, but I’m struggling,” he says. “Certain things broke my trust with people. Situations happen that taint your mind. I started going through the motions. I felt like people were judging me all the time. I came out alive. I came out swinging.”