All the Best Zingers and One-Liners from the 'Jonas Brothers Family Roast'

Kevin, Joe and Nick Jonas faced burns from not only famous comedians, but their wives, too

Jonas Family Roast
Jonas Brothers. Photo: Netflix

Thanksgiving turkeys aren't the only thing getting roasted this week!

The Jonas Brothers Family Roast hit Netflix on Tuesday, and Kevin, 34, Joe, 32, and Nick, 29, grinned and beared it through burns and zingers from their nearest and dearest, as well as a line-up of comedians like Pete Davidson.

No topic was off-limits for the "Sucker" singers, and they were roasted on everything from their solo projects (or lack thereof), decision to wear purity rings as teens and their marriages to wives that they're "not good enough for," according to roaster Dr. Phil McGraw.

After a series of brief skits that included a food fight and parodies of Fight Club, Thor and Camp Rock, comedian Lilly Singh was first up, and poked fun at everything from Joe's band DNCE to Nick's marriage to actress Priyanka Chopra Jonas.

"Joe is so white that when it came time to name his band, he couldn't even spell dance," she joked.

After teasing Kevin—"When you see a picture of him next to Nick and Joe, you always think, 'Wow, Nick and Joe are really close with their accountant'"—Singh set her sights next on Nick.

"I don't know if you know this, but Nick can't even grow a beard. That's why he married one," she joked.

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Next up was Pete Davidson, who wore an "I [Heart] Jonas" T-shirt as he mocked the brothers' short stature.

"Haven't you ever heard the song 'Rollercoaster'? Do you know how brave it is to do a song about something none of them are tall enough to ride?" he quipped.

After that, the Saturday Night Live star pulled Joe's wife Sophie Turner into the mix, joking: "These guys rock! A Little Bit Longer is both my favorite album, and it's what Sophie wishes Joe's penis was. Winter is coming, but Sophie, not so much."

The joke drew a laugh from the Game of Thrones actress, who shrugged along.

Priyanka Chopra Jonas, who married Nick in 2018, took the stage next, and played up the couple's 10-year age difference.

"Nick and I have a 10-year age gap, we do," she said. "And there are many '90s pop culture references he doesn't understand, and I have to explain them to him… He teaches me how to use TikTok, for example, and I teach him what a successful acting career looks like."

She went on to quip: "I love his entire family. Nick, Joe, Kevin, you guys are amazing. Nick has changed my life. I wouldn't want to babysit—I mean, be married to— anyone else, ever."

In a surprise appearance, John Legend then appeared to serenade the crowd with a little ditty he wrote for his favorite band—which is decidedly not the Jonas Brothers.

"I wrote a song to tell them they're my favorite band / I wish they could hear it but they're not here today / No John, Paul, George or Ringo / Just Joe, Nick, and I want to say… Keith?" Legend sang. "You're not quite the Beatles / Though you're really nice guys / You're pretty darn handsome, and better than Hanson / But you'll never be the Beatles, nice try."

Jonas Family Roast

When it was time for Kevin's wife Danielle Jonas to take the stage, she called on host Kenan Thompson for help reading a series of cards she'd written, as she'd lost her voice and was unable to do so herself.

And just because she wasn't the one reading the zingers doesn't mean she went easy on her husband of nearly 12 years.

"I've lost my voice! It's okay. At least I had a voice to lose… unlike Kevin," she joked. "I met Kevin on vacation and before that the only thing I've done on vacation that ruined my life was getting vacation braids. I basically ignored him the whole time, which he loved because he said it reminded him of his mom."

After drawing laughs, Danielle returned to her seat beside Chopra Jonas and Turner as Blake Shelton, who worked with Nick on The Voice, appeared in a pre-recorded segment to share the reasons he loves Nick.

Among them? "He's always easy to find because he literally takes a selfie and posts it to Instagram every time he leaves the house," the country star joked.

Next up was British comedian Jack Whitehall, who riffed on the brothers' decision to wear purity rings when they were younger as a way of pledging their commitment to not having sex before marriage.

"For much of my youth, like you guys, I was in a purity pledge situation," he said. "A pledge was taken that I would remain a virgin by every single girl at my school. And do you know how I was able to keep my man hymen intact for so long? Because of you guys. Seriously, the more I told people that I listen to your music, the less they wanted to have sex with me. I may as well have worn one of your albums around my neck like a leper's bell."

Last but not certainly least, Turner took the stage, and like Whitehall, teased her husband of two years about his teenage decision to keep his virginity until he married.

"Let's talk about the purity rings. For those of you who don't know, purity rings are worn to demonstrate that you're abstaining from sex before marriage. And the Jonas Brothers, they all had them," she said. "Like, I know this is a roast and you all think I should be going after them, but I think we need to set the record straight here. No, the rings weren't a good idea. Yes, as a gesture they're laughably, toe-curlingly lame. But remember—this was about more than a gesture."

"This was about faith, this was about principle, this was about taking a stand and setting an example," she continued. "Look, Joe Jonas wasn't just sticking his fingers in some dumb metal rings. He was sticking his fingers in costars, actresses and even a supermodel or two. To be honest, Joe and the purity ring things is kind of like a modern-day Cinderella. Joe tried to find a match for his purity rings a few times, but finally, the finger fit me. It was also like Cinderella because most of the girls he tried it with were under contract to Disney."

Turner also took aim at Joe's brief acting career, quipping: "I must love him because I moved to America to be with him… Interestingly, in America, the sequel to Camp Rock was called Camp Rock 2. Whereas in England, it was just called a load of s—."

To wrap things up, Kevin, Joe and Nick each took the stage individually to tease their brothers—Nick faced several jokes about his inflated ego and his decision to quit the band years ago, while Kevin was teased about his lack of a solo career.

"Nick was so excited to be the host of SNL, as both the host and musical guest," Kevin joked. "Nick finally got to collaborate with his favorite person—Nick Jonas."

Jonas Brothers Family Roast is now streaming on Netflix.

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