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"I didn't want to be married any longer but I was also afraid to be alone with 'no one to call my own but the night,'" the songstress wrote in her divorce journal

By Liz McNeil
March 23, 2021 12:45 PM
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Jessica Simpson includes several personal journal entries, including one about her divorce from Nick Lachey, in the new paperback edition of her bestselling memoir Open Book.

In a page from the 40-year-old's handwritten "divorce journal," the singer opened up about her split from Lachey, 47, in 2005 after seven years together.

"I didn't want to be married any longer but I was also afraid to be alone with 'no one to call my own but the night,'" she wrote in her black Mead notebook. "The house is hushed. Everything is still. I sit in solitude. To cry. To feel alone…." 

"What a shame to find that which is or who is to blame, because in this world, deceit becomes a crippled hearts cane," she added.

Jessica Simpson; Open Book; Courtesy Harper Collins
Jessica Simpson's journal entry
| Credit: Courtesy Harper Collins

The songstress then directs her journal to Lachey directly and how he's started to move on.

"So Nick, u r with another already?" she wrote. "Seems that you forgot the love you spoke to me…"

Jessica Simpson and Nick Lachey
Credit: Jeff Kravitz/FilmMagic

"It is only because I am alone in the dark [with] no one to call my own, but the night. Oh night, love me tenderly, love me quiet, find me happy, find me right. Oh lord, let your star shine upon me tonight," she wrote elsewhere.

Now 40 and a mom of three kids — Birdie Mae, 2, Maxwell Drew, 8½, and Ace Knute, 7½ — with husband Eric Johnson, Simpson opens the edition with a new introduction and reveals the emotional responses she's heard from readers since the publication of her memoir last year.

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"Part of me didn't want to finish the book because I knew I'd miss you," she writes to her readers. "I didn't know it was the start of the conversation."

Open Book, which details her Texas childhood, her rise to superstardom, and how she came to terms with an addiction to alcohol.

Last year, after the book first dropped, Lachey, now 47, spoke to TODAY about it.

"I'll be honest, I obviously haven't read the book, so I don't know what she said or what she revealed there, but I'm certainly happy for her and her life, I know she is happy for us," he said then.

"There's definitely a mutual respect there, so that's, you know — obviously it was a long time ago; we've all moved on," Nick continued.

Ahead of the book's release, Simpson described Lachey to PEOPLE as her "first love."

"We were young and pioneering our way through reality television, always mic'd and always on," she said then. "We worked and we were great at it but when it came time to being alone, we weren't great at it anymore."

For more on Jessica Simpson, pick up the latest issue of PEOPLE, on newsstands Friday.