JAY-Z Admits He Cheated on Beyoncé in Deeply Personal Song: 'I Apologize, Often Womanize – I Don't Deserve You'
In the fifth track, titled “4:44,” on the rapper’s fourteenth studio album and thirteenth solo album, the new father to twins talks about the couple’s nearly 15-year relationship. The introspective lyrics reveal new details about their romance, including admitting to the infidelity his wife first laid bare on Lemonade, and a mention of their newborn twins.
“I apologize often womanize / Took for my child to be born / See through a woman’s eyes / Took for these natural twins to believe in miracles / Took me too long for this song / I don’t deserve you,” JAY-Z, 47, says.
Weeks ago, a source confirmed to PEOPLE that the 35-year-old songstress gave birth to twins. The names and sexes of the babies have yet to be announced.
The rapper, who was recently inducted into the Songwriters Hall of Fame, also mentioned the loss of children in plural.
“So I apologize / I’ve seen the innocence / Leave your eyes / I still mourn this death / I apologize for all the stillborns / ‘Cus I wasn’t pressing / Your body wouldn’t accept it,” he says.
In 2012, JAY-Z first mentioned a miscarriage in a song released two days after daughter Blue Ivy Carter’s birth titled, “Glory.” Then one year later, Beyoncé shared details about a miscarriage — before Blue’s birth — in her 2013 HBO documentary, Life Is But a Dream.
“4:44” also includes references to the ups and downs of their love — and JAY-Z admits he’s been less than faithful.
“And if my children knew, I don’t even know what I would do / If they ain’t look at me the same / I would probably die with all the shame / ‘You did what with who?’ / What good is a ménage à trois when you have a soulmate? / ‘You risked that for Blue?’ ” JAY-Z raps, referencing their 5-year-old daughter.
“What a wicked way to treat the girl that loves you,” Beyoncé sang on “Hold Up,” following it up with “Looking at my watch, he shoulda been home / Today I regret the night I put that ring on” on “Sorry.”
Then, she got angry: “Who the f— do you think I is? / You ain’t married to no average bitch boy,” she sang on “Don’t Hurt Yourself.” “If you try this s— again / You gon’ lose your wife.”
Moving into forgiveness, Beyoncé admitted, “Ten times out of nine, I know you’re lying / But nine times outta ten, I know you’re trying” on “Love Drought.” And on “Sandcastles” and “Lemonade,” she revealed they’d worked through it: “And although I promised that I couldn’t stay, baby / Every promise don’t work out that way,” she sang. “I was served lemons, but I made lemonade.”
The album title 4:44 could be a nod to the couple’s fascination with the number 4. The rapper’s birthday is Dec. 4, while his superstar wife’s is on Sept. 4. Their wedding anniversary is April 4, and they sport matching IV tattoos.