Everything Demi Lovato Has Said About Love and Relationships: 'You're Never Truly Expecting It'
Before the singer and her fiancé Max Ehrich called off their engagement on Sept. 24, here's what Lovato had to say about matters of the heart
Demi Lovato's "Fluid" Relationship with Love
Demi Lovato — who PEOPLE confirmed on Sept. 24 has called off her two-month engagement with Young and the Restless actor Max Ehrich — knows a thing or two about love and its ups and downs. From emotional tweets to inspirational lyrics and candid interviews, here are some of the most interesting (and sometimes shocking) things Lovato, 28, has said about love, dating and relationships.
"Love Is Like Death"
Lovato predicted her Superbowl 2020 performance a decade in advance, but did she predict her future romances too? Back in 2009, a younger Lovato told the world that "love is like death. You anticipate it, but when it happens you were never truly expecting it." So based on what she wrote on Twitter, it's safe to say that some of her former flames probably caught her by surprise.
What Else Did 2009 Demi Say About Love?
It seems 2009 was an expressive year for the star, who also explained what she feels is the difference between love and the initial spark in a tweet that year.
"Attraction is the spark that ignites when you first kiss, Love is the look in your eyes when you finally pull away," she wrote on Twitter that October.
“I Really Wouldn’t Be Alive Today Without Him"
If you're wondering why Lovato has unwavering love for her ex Wilmer Valderrama (popularly known for his role as Fez in That '70s Show), 40, it's because she credits him for standing by her side as she battled with substance abuse earlier in her career. Lovato and the actor took a break from their relationship when she entered treatment for physical and emotional issues in 2010, but reunited in November of 2011. They kept their romance low-key for quite some time thereafter, but in March 2015 she publicly thanked him with a post on Instagram for his support. “I wish I could put into words how grateful I am for this man right here,” she wrote on Instagram. “But my love has grown to a level that words could never possibly express how much this man completes me. He’s loved me the way I never thought I deserved to be loved and with this day marking my 3rd year sober After sharing my ups, putting up with my downs and supporting my recovery he still never takes credit and I want the world to know how incredible his soul is.” She wrapped her heartfelt sentiments with, “I really wouldn’t be alive today without him. I love you Wilmer.”
"I Was on Dating Apps for a While"
During a hilarious apperance on The Ellen DeGeneres Show in March, Lovato opened up about more things than one. First, she shared that she still wants to lock lips with Rihanna. But she also spilled some tea about whether or not she used dating apps on her quest to find love.
“No, I was on dating apps for a while but as I’ve spent some time with myself over the past couple months, I realized that I am the type of person that will find any way to regulate when I’m sad or lonely or whatever,” she told DeGeneres. “I have to fight those battles on my own and I can’t let somebody come in and fix those issues for me. So right now, I’m single and spending my Saturday nights by myself.” Three weeks later, news broke that Lovato and Ehrich were an item.
When It Comes to Self-Love — "If I can do it, you can too!"
The "Anyone" singer told fans that she wasn't feeling too great about herself during a photo shoot in 2018. Simultanously, she shared that she powered through it despite feeling low because of the love she has for herself. She concluded by encouraging her followers to practice self-love as well.
"Feeling gross today at a photo shoot but I’m choosing to accept what I see because I love myself for who I am and your love and support gets me through moments like this. 🙏🏼 if you’re struggling as well, don’t forget.. if I can do it, you can too!" she wrote on Twitter.
"I Love Me"
In her latest single, "I Love Me" Lovato reiterates the importance of self-love above all else. The singer croons about realizing that she will always have herself at the end of the day, even when things aren't working out romantically.
“Oh, why do I compare myself to everyone / And I always got my finger on the self destruct,” she sings. “I wonder when I love me is enough.”
“Why am I always looking for a ride or die / Cause mine’s the only heart I’m gonna have for life,” she continues. “After all the times I went and f— it up / I wonder when I love me is enough.”
In Lovato's World, Exes Can Be "Best Friends" After Breaking Up
When Lovato and Valderrama officially called it quits in June 2016, they released a joint statement on Instagram and revealed that their decision to end their relationship was amicable. They also said they would likely continue on as "best friends."
“After almost 6 loving and wonderful years together, we have decided to end our relationship. This was an incredibly difficult decision for both of us, but we have realized more than anything that we are better as best friends,” the message said. “We will always be supportive of one another. Thank you to everyone who has offered us kindness and support over the years. With only love, Wilmer & Demi.”
“I Think My Heart Is Always with Wilmer"
Can romantic lovers be platonic friends? In the case of Lovato and Valderrama — yes.
Valderrama “always cared deeply for her and they truly remained friends after they broke up," a source told PEOPLE after Valderrama visited the singer when she was hospitalized after her drug overdose in July 2018.
One year prior to the caring gesture, Lovato candidly explained why they would be better off as friends.
“The sparks never faded but there are issues that I haven’t conquered yet that I know I won’t conquer if I’m relying on somebody else to take care of the loneliness. I just wasn’t ready and there was so much in my life that I hadn’t explored yet … That was one of the reasons why we broke up because I’ve never been alone,” she said in her 2017 documentary Simply Complicated. “It had nothing to do with falling out of love, we decided together we just probably are better as friends.”
At the time however, she was still open to rekindling that romantic spark. "I do have moments where it’s late at night and I’m lonely and I wonder if I made the right decision because love is a gamble. I don’t know if I’ll lose him for the rest of my life,” she said. “I think my heart is always with Wilmer, I think it was with Wilmer, I think it is with Wilmer, I think it will be. Because you don’t share six years with somebody and not give them a piece of your heart and vice versa. I’m pretty sure that I’m not going to meet anybody that compares to him.”
"I Think It's Healthy to Be Able to Start Over with Someone Else"
After breaking things off with her ex of six years Wilmer Valderrama, Lovato opened up to Glamour and revealed that she had to let go of baggage in order to be at a good place with herself again. “I think it’s healthy to be able to start over with someone else. Being sick was always a part of my relationship with him; I always had something wrong with me. I needed to let go of that,” she explained.
"Love Is Necessary, Heartbreak Is Unavoidable"
In Simply Complicated, Lovato told fans about the most important lessons she has learned. “The last decade has taught me a lifetime of lessons. I’ve learned that secrets make you sick, I’m learning how to be a voice and not a victim, I’ve learned sex is natural, I’ve learned that love is necessary, heartbreak is unavoidable and loneliness is brutal. I’ve learned that the key to being happy is to tell your truth, and be okay without all the answers,” she said in the documentary.
"You can find [love] in any gender."
In her 2018 cover story with InStyle, Lovato described her sexuality as “very fluid”.
The singer went on to explain that she enjoys being able to hit it off with anyone regardless of gender because of her sexuality. “I think love is love,” she said. “You can find it in any gender. I like the freedom of being able to flirt with whoever I want.”
“I’m Not Suffering Because I’m Alone"
In her March 2018 story with InStyle, Lovato dished on “embracing her independence” in multiple areas of her life, including the romance department. The songstress revealed that she did not feel less than because she was single at the time. In fact, Lovato felt she was able to learn more about herself when she was free of romantic distractions.
“I’m not suffering because I’m alone,” she told the outlet. “There were many years I was in a relationship and I wasn’t learning about myself. Now I’m learning about what I like, what I need, and what I want.”
Material Things Can't Replace What "Love and Appreciation and Gratitude Can" (And Lovato Wants to Start a Family!)
In a January interview with Zane Lowe on New Music Daily for Apple Music’s Beats 1, Lovato revealed that she would like to start a family before the new decade's end. Speaking further on relationships and her accomplishments, the star shared that her perspective has changed over the years and that now, love is critical. “For my whole career, I always was like, ‘Oh, I want a Grammy so bad,’ or ‘I want that,’ ‘And a No. 1 here, a No. 1 there.’ All of that stuff is great and if you can accomplish that, that’s awesome. But I just know personally it doesn’t fill that hole inside of me that only love and appreciation and gratitude can fill,” she said.