Christina Aguilera Still Feels a 'Heavy Amount of Guilt' Looking at Her Career as a Child Star
In this month's cover story for Health, the songstress also shared that she combed through some of her old diaries and took time to self-reflect during the pandemic
Christina Aguilera is giving herself space to self-reflect.
Talking to Health for its latest cover story, the 40-year-old opened up about looking back on her lengthy career since being a childhood star and how it's "scary to face those feelings" as she looks back.
"I have this massive trunk of old diaries that I've literally kept from the past 20 years of my life. I was able to catch up on them and do some self-reflecting," she told the magazine. "It really forced me to be silent and take a look at myself."
"In some regard, I wasn't happy with a lot of things, and it's scary to face those feelings that, under normal circumstances, you don't have time to face because everyone is going, going, going," she added. "That grind is praised, but I think we're all understanding that having moments to self-reflect and just breathe are crucial."
The singer continued by saying she was able to process it all by allowing herself to "breathe."
"When I'm not working, there's a heavy amount of guilt that I feel. It's been embedded in me since I was little — you're shamed if you don't want to keep up," she said. "As a child [entertainer], you're all pitted against one another, and other children are all about that grind too. It's a weird space to grow up in."
The singer added that she has been open about "trauma in my childhood" and how they've contributed to her struggles with depression and anxiety.
"It's a constant battle to overcome a mind that is anxious, a mind that is always second-guessing," she said.
In the interview, Aguilera also revealed that she's working on both an English record and a Spanish album that's "20 years overdue." The process has allowed her to fall in love with music "all over again."
"I'm a perfectionist and want to give everything my best — especially because of the soul-searching I've done over the past year and the new perspective I have," she said. "I am reinspired and have reconnected with myself."