Britney Spears Says She's 'Not Happy,' Her Social Media Posts 'Are a Lie': 'I Cry Every Day'
"I've been in denial. I've been in shock. I am traumatized," Britney Spears said of her oft-bubbly social media posts, as she spoke about the effects of being under a conservatorship
Britney Spears says the carefree persona her 30.3 million Instagram followers have come to know - and question - has been less than honest.
Appearing before Judge Brenda Penny in a Los Angeles court at a conservatorship hearing Wednesday, the popstar admitted that her recent social media posts have been a front. "I've lied and told the whole world I'm OK and I'm happy. It's a lie," Spears, 39, said in a statement read to the court. "I've been in denial. I've been in shock. I am traumatized. Fake it 'til you make it, but now I'm telling you the truth, OK? I'm not happy. I can't sleep. I'm depressed. I cry every day."
Her oft-bubbly Instagram posts have become fodder for her devoted fans in deciphering supposed clues about her wellbeing. "I'm totally fine. I'm extremely happy, I have a beautiful home, beautiful children," said Spears in a recent Instagram video. "I'm taking a break right now because I'm enjoying myself."
Posting to Instagram again last week, Spears addressed whether she'll "take the stage again."
"I have no idea," she said. "I'm having fun right now. I'm in a transition in my life and I'm enjoying myself, so that's it."
In court, Spears explained the effects the conservatorship has had on her life and why she believes her father Jamie Spears should not be in charge of her estate, before wrapping up by asking Judge Penny to end the 13-year conservatorship.
"I didn't know I could petition the conservatorship to end. I honestly didn't know that," Britney said. "I've done more than enough. I don't owe these people anything. I've roofed and clothed and fed people on the road. It's demoralizing what I've been through. I've never said it openly - I never thought anyone would believe me. I'm not lying. I just want my life back. It's been 13 years and it's been enough. I want to be able to be heard. I've kept this in for so long - it's not good for my heart. I've been so angry and I cry every day. For my sanity ... I need to get it off my heart. The anger, all of it. The main reason why I'm here today is I want to end the conservatorship without being evaluated."
Listen below to our daily podcast PEOPLE Every Day for more on Britney Spears speaking out about her conservatorship starting at the 3:45 mark.
Spears' conservatorship was first placed in 2008 with her father being named the permanent conservator of her affairs and attorney Andrew Wallet the permanent co-conservator of her estate. After Jamie stepped down due to health reasons in September 2019, Jodi Montgomery was named temporary conservator.
Then in March, Ingham asked the court to appoint Montgomery as permanent conservator instead of Jamie and "requested the resignation" of her father.
At the time, the singer reserved "the right to petition for the termination of this conservatorship." In a statement to PEOPLE earlier this year, Jamie's attorney Vivian Lee Thoreen said Spears could file a petition to terminate her conservatorship but never has.
RELATED VIDEO: Britney Spears Felt Her Conservatorship Was an 'Oppressive and Controlling Tool Against Her' in 2016: Report
During the hearing, Spears' father Jamie appeared virtually, along with the singer's mom, Lynne, and a statement was read on Jamie's behalf after the singer spoke. "[Jamie] is sorry to see his daughter in so much pain. [He] loves his daughter and misses her very much," his attorney Thoreen said.
Britney's boyfriend Sam Asghari showed his support for her on his Instagram Story, posting a selfie in a hand-painted "Free Britney" t-shirt. "I have always wanted nothing but the best for my better half, and will continue to support her following her dreams and creating the future she wants and deserves," the Family Business actor, 27, recently told PEOPLE.
"I am thankful for all of the love and support she is receiving from her fans all over the world, and I am looking forward to a normal, amazing future together," Asghari added.