Billie Eilish Reveals She Almost Took Her Own Life: 'I Didn't Think I Would Make It to 17'

"I was so unhappy, and so, like, joyless," the singer said about her feelings of fame in 2018

Billie Eilish is opening up about her previous struggles with mental health amid her newfound fame.

The Grammy-nominated singer sat down with Gayle King for The Gayle King Grammy Special, which aired Thursday, and revealed to the host that in 2018 she had spiraled into a depression and had thoughts of taking her own life.

“I was so unhappy last year,” she told King of 2018. “I was so unhappy, and I was so, like, joyless.”

The star, who celebrated her 18th birthday in December, admitted to the host, “I genuinely didn’t think I would make it to 17.”

Billie Eilish "The Gayle King Grammy Special"
CBS News

The CBS special further detailed Eilish’s rise to fame and that her newfound stardom came with extreme isolation, especially as her friends could no longer relate to her wide-scale popularity and being famous.

King then shed a spotlight on Eilish’s song, “Bury a Friend,” in which she sings the lyric, “I wanna end me,” asking if this was a true thought that went through the young star’s mind.

Billie Eilish
Billie Eilish. Tim Mosenfelder/Getty

“Yeah,” Eilish revealed. “I think about this one time I was in Berlin and I was alone in my hotel, and I remember there was a window right there. I remember crying because I was thinking about how the way that I was going to die was, I was going to do it.”

When asked about why she didn’t take that extra step, Eilish shared, “my mom.”

And thanks to therapy and support from her family, the singer is now in a better place and able to reach out to her fans struggling with similar issues.

“I just grab [the fans] by the shoulders and I’m like, ‘Please take care of yourself and be good to yourself and be nice to yourself. Don’t take that extra step and hurt yourself further,'” she said.

The singer’s mother, Maggie Baird, explained that Eilish’s “fans and the shows” are what keeps the star going.

Billie Eilish
Kevin Winter/Getty

On Sunday, Eilish will perform at the 2020 Grammys, where she is up for six awards.

Eilish is the youngest nominee in Grammys history to be nominated in all four general field categories: record of the year, album of the year, song of the year and best new artist.

She is nominated alongside her brother and producer, Finneas O’Connell, in the categories of the record of the year, album of the year and song of the year for her single “Bad Guy,” and her debut album, When We Fall Asleep, Where Do We Go?

The 62nd Grammy Awards air Sunday, Jan. 26 at 8 p.m. on CBS.

If you or someone you know is considering suicide, please contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255), text “STRENGTH” to the Crisis Text Line at 741-741 or go to

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