Ariana Grande‘s year has thrown her for a loop.
In April, the “God Is a Woman” singer, 25, dropped the song “No Tears Left to Cry” — her first single since the Manchester terrorist attack that killed 22 people at her May 2017 concert — that declared she was “on another mentality” and “ain’t got no tears left to cry.”
It turns out that she spoke too soon. “Remember when i was like hey i have no tears left to cry and the universe was like HAAAAAAAAA bitch u thought,” Grande reflected on Twitter on Wednesday.
Grande has had a rocky path in the months since “No Tears Left to Cry” debuted.
On Sept. 7, rapper Mac Miller, Grande’s ex-boyfriend, died at age 26 of an accidental overdose of fentanyl, cocaine and alcohol, the Los Angeles County Department of Medical Examiner-Coroner determined. The musicians first went public with their relationship in September 2016, and PEOPLE confirmed in May 2018 that they had gone their separate ways.
“His voice and laugh,” Grande replied to a who tweeted a video of the musician to her on Tuesday. “He is supposed to be here.”
“She completely broke down after she found out about Mac,” an insider told PEOPLE in September after Miller’s death. “She can’t believe he isn’t here anymore. He was such a special person to her. She is very, very sad. … This is a nightmare for her.”
Grande had been an advocate for Miller’s sobriety. “They were very much in love, and I have to say, she was incredible when he was first sobering up,” Miller’s friend Shane Powers said on his podcast The Shane Show in September.
“She was a f—ing G to him. There could not have been anybody more supportive of him being sober than Ariana,” Powers continued. “There was no one in his life more ready to go to the wall for him when it came to him being sober. She was an unbelievably stabilizing force in his life and she was deeply helpful and effective in keeping Mac sober and helping him get sober.”
“It was way too much too soon,” a Grande source told PEOPLE at the time. “It’s not shocking to anyone.”
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Miller’s death may have factored into Grande’s split from Davidson. “It’s true that Ariana has been struggling a bit with life in general” after Miller’s death, a source told PEOPLE after Grande and Davidson’s breakup.
“[Miller’s death] was devastating and shocking to her,” the source added. “It’s had a huge, negative impact on her life. It made her rethink many things in her life.”
“She realized that planning a wedding right now felt very rushed,” the source said. “It’s not what she wants to do right now. She doesn’t want to make any rushed decisions and has decided to take a step back instead.”
In Grande’s new song “Thank U, Next,” which she released on Saturday, she expresses gratitude for her past.
“One taught me love / One taught me patience / One taught me pain / Now I’m so amazing,” she sings about her former flames, dancer Ricky Alvarez and rapper Big Sean in addition to Miller and Davidson.
“Thank you, next / Thank you, next / Thank you, next / I’m so f—ing grateful for my ex,” she croons in the chorus.