Ariana Grande Opens Up About Feeling 'All-Consuming' Grief After Mac Miller's Death
"He was the best person ever, and he didn't deserve the demons he had. I was the glue for such a long time, and I found myself becoming... less and less sticky," the singer explains in her Vogue cover story
In a new interview for Vogue‘s August cover story, the singer, 26, said her grief over Miller’s death is “all-consuming.” The late rapper, who struggled with drug use throughout his life, died of an accidental overdose at the age of 26.
“By no means was what we had perfect, but, like, f—,” she told the magazine. “He was the best person ever, and he didn’t deserve the demons he had. I was the glue for such a long time, and I found myself becoming… less and less sticky. The pieces just started to float away.”
During the interview, Grande also defended herself against online trolls who blamed her for Miller’s death.
“People don’t see any of the real stuff that happens, so they are loud about what they think happened,” she shared. “They didn’t see the years of work and fighting and trying, or the love and exhaustion.”
In May 2018, after Miller was charged with a DUI and hit and run, Grande responded to a Twitter user who blamed her for his arrest.
“I am not a babysitter or a mother and no woman should feel that they need to be,” she tweeted at the time. “I have cared for him and tried to support his sobriety & prayed for his balance for years (and always will of course) but shaming / blaming women for a man’s inability to keep his s— together is a very major problem.”
“That tweet came from a place of complete defeat, and you have no idea how many times I warned him that that would happen and fought that fight, for how many years of our friendship, of our relationship,” Grande told Vogue about responding to the trolls. “You have no idea so you’re not allowed to pull that card, because you don’t f—ing know. That’s where that came from.”
A month after Miller’s death last fall, Grande and her then-fiancé, Pete Davidson, called it quits. The couple was first linked in May 2018, and got engaged less than a month later before splitting in October.
“My friends were like, ‘Come! We’re gonna have a fun summer,’” she said of the pair’s whirlwind romance. “And then I met Pete, and it was an amazing distraction. It was frivolous and fun and insane and highly unrealistic, and I loved him, and I didn’t know him.”
The loss of Miller and Grande’s breakup with Davidson came over a year after Manchester terror attack, when a bomber killed 22 people and injured more than 500 at the singer’s Manchester stop of her Dangerous Woman tour in May 2017.
“It’s not my trauma,” Grande told Vogue. “It’s those families’. It’s their losses, and so it’s hard to just let it all out without thinking about them reading this and reopening the memory for them.”
“I have a lot to say that could probably help people that I do want to share, but I have a lot that I still need to process myself and will probably never be ready to talk about,” the musician said about the bombing attack. “For a long time I didn’t want to talk to anyone about anything, because I didn’t want to think about anything. I kind of just wanted to bury myself in work and not focus on the real stuff, because I couldn’t believe it was real.”