Shailene Woodley Reveals How to Deal with Bad Sex: ‘Don’t Be Afraid to Say What You Really Want’
The actress wrote a column sharing her advice on how to handle intimacy issues
Shailene Woodley is revealing how she navigates intimacy and sex.
The 29-year-old actress wrote an advice column for Leo's "Ask Her" section in which she responded to a question from a fan, "From a woman's perspective, if the sex is not great but the relationship is thriving, do you call it quits or work on it?"
Woodley did not hold back, writing, "I have been here. And to be quite honest, it has happened more than once in my life."
"All I can say is, from my perspective as a woman who knows what she wants and isn't afraid to say it, honesty and transparency are everything," she wrote. "If you don't feel safe in communication with your partner, then chances are, you may never be able to cultivate a truly connective sex life."
"And, if you do feel safe, then talk about your needs," she continued. "Whether they are being met or not. Ask your partner about theirs."
Woodley wrote, ""Bad sex", in my opinion, is simply two people who haven't quite found the language that speaks to their unique lives together yet. Or, two people who don't know how to be deeply vulnerable with one another."
"That s— can take time," she advised. "And although you occasionally and very rarely do meet someone whom you spontaneously sexually combust with—most of the time, sex is a lesson in true intimacy."
She continued, "Don't be afraid to say what you really want. The most turned on I have ever been has been when lovers told me exactly what they wanted me to do, or what their needs were. So don't be shy."
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"Chances are, that dirty little mind of yours in there is just as naughty as the mind of your partners … but maybe neither of you have ever felt like you've known how to share those intimacies with one another," Woodley added. "The more surrendered we can be to the discoveries we make with a lover, the better and more delicious our physical connection becomes."
This isn't the first time the Big Little Lies actress has opened up about sex or intimacy. In May 2019, the actress told InStyle she doesn't "trust anyone" when it comes to going on dates.
"Dating's hard," she told the magazine. "I mean, I love sex. I love the power of emotional connection via physicality. Who doesn't? But now I'm only interested in those unexpected impactful connections."
She continued, "It's easy to talk about the positive things about love, but love is scary."
"Recently I was speaking with a friend, and we were like, 'When was the last time you met someone and had the ability to say, 'I'm so attracted to you. I think your mind stimulates my mind in ways I can't explain. Creatively, I'm feeling a 10. Physically, I can't wait to know what you feel like. And you scare the s— out of me'?'" she added.