Nicole Kidman says her 2002 Oscar win did not bring her the fulfillment she was expecting

By Michael Miller
Updated October 09, 2015 04:00 PM
Credit: Mike Pont/FilmMagic

After finding solace in her work following a difficult divorce, Nicole Kidman says it wasn’t until she won her Oscar that she realized she needed more in her life.

“I was sitting in the Beverly Hills Hotel and it was all extraordinary and I was the loneliest I’ve ever been,” the actress, 48, said at the Women In the World Summit in London on Thursday.

This “epiphany” came to her after what she described as the “difficult time” in her life following her 2001 divorce from Tom Cruise.

While those years produced some of her best work, including Moulin Rouge! and her Oscar-winning performance in The Hours, Kidman said, “I was running from my life at that time.”

She added, “I wasn’t able to handle the reality of my life and as an actor, you have this wonderful thing where you can go and get lost in somebody else’s life and become somebody else for a period of time. And when I look back on it, I really see that. Out of that came work that sort of was applauded and so that was an interesting thing for me.

“I then sort of embraced my own life and I got myself together and it took me a number of years and during that time, I worked a lot. The work was a great place for me to exist and then that culminated in winning an Oscar.”

Although winning the award didn’t bring her the fulfillment she was craving, Kidman said she’s grateful for the experience because it helped her come to terms with her feelings.

“It was a fantastic thing to have happened because I was jolted out of this I suppose need or desire to say, ‘This is gonna heal me’ and it didn’t. And then I went, ‘I need to really hone in on what I want as a woman and for my life.’ ”

At that time, Kidman said, “I sort of stumbled into Keith [Urban].”

The couple met in 2005 at a gala dinner in Los Angeles honoring noted Australians, and were married roughly a year later.

“We didn’t know each other very well when we got married,” Kidman admitted.

“I wanted that. I wanted a partner, I wanted somebody to share my life with,” she explained.

Expanding her family was also important to her. “I wanted to have more children,” she said. “I wanted to have a baby the minute we met.”