"I didn't like giving myself to the public," Kristen Stewart said about her personal life in a new InStyle interview

By Alexia Fernández
October 07, 2020 01:37 PM
kristen Stewart
Kristen Stewart
| Credit: Axelle/Bauer-Griffin/FilmMagic

Kristen Stewart is getting honest about the pressures of dating in the public eye.

The actress sat down for an InStyle interview with her Happiest Season director, Clea DuVall, to discuss their upcoming film, her career and how she's juggled her personal life despite massive fame.

"The first time I ever dated a girl, I was immediately asked if I was a lesbian," Stewart said. "And it's like, 'God, I'm 21 years old.' I felt like maybe there were things that have hurt people I've been with."

Stewart continued, "Not because I felt ashamed of being openly gay but because I didn't like giving myself to the public, in a way. It felt like such thievery."

"This was a period of time when I was sort of cagey," Stewart said. "Even in my previous relationships, which were straight, we did everything we could not to be photographed doing things — things that would become not ours. So I think the added pressure of representing a group of people, of representing queerness, wasn't something I understood then. Only now can I see it."

Kristen Stewart
Kristen Stewart
| Credit: Olivia Malone/Home Agency

Stewart is currently dating girlfriend Dylan Meyer. The pair have been linked since August 2019, a month after Stewart seemingly split from her previous girlfriend, model Stella Maxwell. The actress also famously dated Robert Pattinson for 4 years starting in 2009 after meeting on Twilight.

In Happiest Season, Stewart plays Abby, who plans to propose to her girlfriend Harper (Mackenzie Davis) while attending Harper's family holiday party only to discover her girlfriend hasn't actually come out to her conservative parents yet.

"It deals with very poignant things that, for me, are extremely affecting and triggering—even though now the word 'triggering' triggers me more than anything in the world," Stewart said, laughing.

The Twilight star described the film as "so funny and cute," saying she "loved the couple" she and Davis played in DuVall's film.

Kristen Stewart
Kristen Stewart
| Credit: Olivia Malone/Home Agency

"They’re both people I really felt protective of in different ways because I’ve been on both sides of that dynamic where someone is having a hard time acknowledging who they are and the other person is more self-accepting," she said. "I [personally] came into the more complex aspects of myself a little bit later. I never felt an immense shame, but I also don’t feel far away from that story, so I must have it in a latent sense."

The movie also stars Mary Steenburgen, Victor Garber, Alison Brie, Aubrey Plaza, Dan Levy—and the film's co-writer (and DuVall's fellow Veep costar) Mary Holland.

Happiest Season is out Nov. 25.