The actress, 46, opened up about her journey to finding herself again during a live Q&A on Wednesday with 17-year-old daughter Willow Smith and mom Adrienne Banfield-Jones, 64, for their Facebook Watch show Red Table Talk. The subject first came up on the second episode of their show, which premiered on Monday. Pinkett Smith shared that the biggest loss in her life had been herself.
When she realized that she had lost touch with herself, she said, “I was withered, curled up in a ball about to die.”
“Will had always told me to put myself first, and I had never really understood what that meant,” Pinkett Smith said as she answered a fan question on how Will reacted to the admission. “I think when I got more understanding about it, and he got more understanding about what that meant, it took a lot of communication. At the end of the day, Will is extremely supportive of giving me what I need.”
Pinkett Smith explained on the second episode of the show that raising her children, working on her marriage, coparenting a stepson, her professional “persona” and “this world of Hollywood,” all contributed to her losing sight of herself over the years.
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In the live chat, she admitted that confronting that fact and actively trying to change it was what allowed her to get back to feeling like herself.
“For me, you have to grant yourself that allowance, and that’s what I wasn’t doing,” she said. “I had to take responsibility for the fact that I wasn’t granting myself the allowance and the freedom. I had to look at that and take responsibility for the life I had created for myself. You can’t put that on somebody else. And it takes a minute for us to even get to that understanding. But once we’re willing to have that responsibility, we realize we got all the power.”
On the show, the actress said she finally snapped out of it when she woke up and asked herself, “What makes you happy? And literally I had no idea, to the point where I didn’t know how to dress myself. Fashion used to be my thing and I’m just now starting to pay attention to that again.”
She added, “All these women out here on Xanax, drinking Chardonnay, it saddens me how a lot of women are out here numbing themselves just to survive in a way that they’ve been told they need to be to have happy lives … but are miserable.”
The next episode of Red Table Talk hits Facebook Watch Monday.