Alec Baldwin's Wife Hilaria Reflects on 'Challenging Year': 'Didn't Think I Was Gonna Make It Through'

Hilaria Baldwin reveals what "helped me through some pretty dark struggles" in the past year

Hilaria Baldwin and Alec Baldwin
Hilaria and Alec Baldwin in 2021 . Photo: Jamie McCarthy/Getty

Hilaria Baldwin is reflecting on a difficult year while expressing gratitude on the Thanksgiving holiday.

On Thursday, Hilaria, 37, shared an Instagram post, showcasing a video of her daughters grocery shopping while explaining that she "didn't take a photo of my whole family today."

Hilaria shares six kids with husband Alec Baldwin: daughters Carmen Gabriela, 8, and María Lucía Victoria, 9 months, and sons Rafael Thomas, 6, Leonardo Ángel Charles, 5, Romeo Alejandro David, 3, and Eduardo "Edu" Pao Lucas, 13 months.

In her caption, Hilaria looked back on a "challenging year," in which she expanded her family, apologized after being accused of misrepresenting her heritage, and supported her husband through the recent on-set tragedy in which Alec fatally shot cinematographer Halyna Hutchins after a prop gun mishap while making the movie Rust.

"This has been one 💥 of a challenging year. I know for many, many of us… but I will only speak from personal experience right now," wrote Hilaria. "Sometimes I didn't think I was gonna make it through. I want you to know how much you have helped me through some pretty dark struggles. Knowing you were there—such comfort."

"Yes, my children and my husband, my family and close friends have been invaluable…but YOU, I don't get to express this face to face, due to the nature of social media and how far we all are…I SO want you to know and take in how grateful I am every day for you," the mom continued. "I miss our chats and the safety net of our community. I'm hoping, one day, we will get back there."

Hilaria added, "One thing struggle has taught me is to say 'I love you more'. It's what all of this is all about, in my opinion. So, I love you so…with my whole, grateful soul. Happy gratitude day."

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The Rust shooting occurred Oct. 21 on the Santa Fe, New Mexico, set. During a rehearsal, assistant director David Halls unknowingly handed Alec, 63, a gun that had been loaded with at least one live round. Thinking it was only loaded with blanks, Halls shouted "cold gun" to indicate it was safe to use, according to a Santa Fe County Sheriff's Office search warrant affidavit.

Alec fired the Colt .45 revolver, which resulted in Hutchins being fatally wounded. Neither Halls nor Alec knew that the gun had live ammunition in it, according to the affidavit.

alec baldwin, hilaria baldwin
Hilaria Baldwin/Instagram

Hilaria has previously spoken about the challenges of parenting in the aftermath of the incident.

"Parenting through this has been an intense experience, to say the least. Today, we rallied to give them a holiday," she captioned a post of photos of the family celebrating Halloween last month.

As local authorities in New Mexico continue to investigate the tragic accident — with production on the film halted — a source told PEOPLE that Alec is leaning on his wife and kids, including 26-year-old daughter Ireland with ex Kim Basinger, to get through.

"It's such an unthinkable tragedy and the grief and trauma for him are unbearable," the source said. "Alec is still in shock and his heart is completely broken. He is doing his best to cope and is leaning on Hilaria and the kids for support."

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