"We're kind of conditioned to work toward being desired," Demi Moore says

By Claudia Harmata
July 29, 2020 11:14 AM
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Credit: Steve Granitz/WireImage

Demi Moore is opening up about learning to love herself after her three marriages.

During a recent appearance on SiriusXM’s The Jess Cagle Show, the 57-year-old actress recalled adapting herself into a person she thought would make her marriages work.

"I think it's a process of, not to sound cliché, but it's really a process of learning to love yourself, accepting who you are just as you are," she said. "For me, I changed myself so many times over and over to fit what I thought somebody else wanted... We're kind of conditioned to work toward being desired, but we're not supposed to have desires of our own."

The Striptease star said that even though her marriages didn't succeed in the end, "working through a relationship, it's really commendable in our disposable time to go through the journey of honoring the love that brought you together in the first place and giving it everything you've got."

Moore’s first marriage was to musician Freddy Moore in 1987 when the actress was just 18. The actress, now 57, took the musician’s name as her stage name.

In her recent book, Inside OutMoore recalled their whirlwind marriage which lasted until 1985. Moore admitted she was unfaithful to the musician the night before they were set to say “I do.”

“The night before we got married, instead of working on my vows, I was calling a guy I’d met on a movie set,” Moore wrote. “I snuck out of my own bachelorette party and went to his apartment.”

“Why did I do that?” Moore wrote. “Why didn’t I go and see the man I was committing to spend the rest of my life with to express my doubts? Because I couldn’t face the fact that I was getting married to distract myself from grieving the death of my father. Because I felt there was no room to question what I’d already put in motion. I couldn’t get out of the marriage, but I could sabotage it.”

Demi and Freddy Moore
| Credit: Ron Galella Collection/Getty

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She later married Die Hard star Bruce Willis in 1987 after a four-month romance. The two had three children — daughters Rumer, 31, Scout, 29, and Tallulah Belle, 26 — and later divorced in 2000.

In her memoir, Moore claimed that Willis thought her acting career took time away from their family, and that he expressed he wasn’t sure if he wanted to be married.

Despite the friction, the actress wrote she is “very proud of our divorce.”

While the two kept things cordial, Moore admitted the split “wasn’t easy at first, but we managed to move the heart of our relationship, the heart of what created our family, into something new that gave the girls a loving, supportive environment with both parents.”

Bruce Willis, Demi Moore
| Credit: Ron Galella/WireImage

Moore began dating Ashton Kutcher in 2003, and the two married in 2005. The star wrote in her book that meeting Kutcher "felt like a 15-year-old girl, hoping somebody liked me."

The actress claimed Kutcher cheated on her twice and that the two had threesomes during their marriage together.

“I put him first,” she wrote. “So when he expressed his fantasy of bringing a third person into our bed, I didn’t say no. I wanted to show him how great and fun I could be.”

The threesomes left Moore with feelings of “shame” and she claimed they caused Kutcher to stray from their marriage.

After the book's release, Moore told Good Morning America’s Diane Sawyer she “lost me” after her split from Kutcher.

“I think the thing if I were to look back, I would say I blinded myself and I lost myself,” she said.