How Well Do You Know Your Chrises? Study This Guide to Sound Super Smart
How well can you tell your Hemsworths from your Evans, your Pratts from your Pines?
So many handsome, ripped men in Hollywood named Chris, so little time.
With their chiseled jaws, bulging biceps and sparkling smiles, how is the average moviegoer supposed to tell Chris Pratt from Chris Pine? That’s why we’ve created this handy guide to recognizing your Chrises.
(Although, when in doubt, just remember that they’re all very hot.)
Hair Color: Brown
Eyes: Blue and sparkling
Does He Have a Dreamy Accent? Uh … sometimes he slips into a Boston accent, which is made attractive by the fact that it’s coming out of his mouth.
Does He Play a Superhero? Yes — he’s Captain America himself, which basically means that being hot is one of his super powers.
Does He Have a Brother? He does; his younger brother Scott is equally charming and handsome, and also an actor.
Is He Single? Yes, which means we’re all still in with a chance. (Hey, a girl can dream!)
Does He Like Dogs? Yes, in fact, he and his dog Dodger are basically the sweetest human-animal pairing we’ve ever seen in this world. Oh, and Dodger is named after the Artful Dodger from Oliver, just in case you weren’t already swooning.
Does He Look Equally Hot with a Beard? You bet he does.
How Do I Tell Him Apart from the Other Chrises? He’s most likely wearing a backwards baseball cap.
He’s the Chris Most Likely to … Help you carry a heavy box into your house. It lets him be a gentleman and show off his biceps.
Hair Color: Blond
Eye Color: Blue, like the beautiful ocean waves
Does He Have a Dreamy Accent? Indeed — he’s Australian.
Does He Play a Superhero? Yes, he plays Thor. You can recognize him by his gorgeous, flowing golden locks, although he will lose them for the upcoming Thor: Ragnarok.
Does He Have a Brother? Yes — in fact, he has two hot brothers, Liam and Luke. The Hemsworth gene pool is truly the most exceptional in the world.
Is He Married? Yes, to Elsa Pataky. And yes, they’re absolutely perfect and charming together.
Does He Have Children? Yes, three: daughter India, 4, and twin sons Sasha and Tristan, 3. This perfect family blessed us with this picture. You’re all welcome.
Has He Ever Been PEOPLE’s Sexiest Man Alive? Why, yes, he was named Sexiest Man Alive in 2014.
How Do I Tell Him Apart from the Other Hot Chrises? He’s by far the blondest Chris on this list. Oh, yeah, and that accent.
He’s the Chris Most Likely to … Kill a spider for you. He’s Australian; there’s nothing that scares him.
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Hair Color: Brown
Eye Color: The deepest, bluest of blues
Does He Have a Dreamy Accent? No, but his voice is plenty dreamy nonetheless.
Does He Play a Superhero? No, but he does play Captain Kirk in the new Star Trek films, so he’s used to hanging out in outer space.
Does He Have a Brother? No
Is He Single? As far as we know — Pine is notoriously private. But, hey, we’re happy to help take him off the market!
Does He Sing? Like an actual angel on earth.
Does He Look Equally Hot with a Beard? Abso-freaking-loutely
How Do I Tell Him Apart from the Other Chrises? When he has a beard, it’s got a very distinguished salt-and-pepper quality to it.
He’s the Chris Most Likely to … Serenade you on a whim. Look, he played Prince Charming in Into the Woods, he knows how to make a girl swoon.
Hair Color: Brown (although sometimes blonder)
Eye Color: Green, and gorgeous
Does He Have a Dreamy Accent? He doesn’t need one.
Does He Play a Superhero? Yes — He’s Peter Quill a.k.a. Star Lord in the Guardians of the Galaxy franchise. He’s also in the new Jurassic Park films, in which he doesn’t play a superhero, but he does train velociraptors, which is pretty darn cool.
Does He Have a Brother? He has an older brother named Cully.
Is He Married? Yes, to Anna Faris, and yes, they are the goofiest, sweetest couple in Hollywood.
Does He Have Children?
He has one son, Jack, 4, who is absolutely delightful and adorable.
Was He Ever on a Cheesy Teen Soap Opera? You bet he was; he played Bright Abbott on Everwood from 2002 to 2006.
How Do I Tell Him Apart from the Other Chrises? After getting in shape for Moneyball, he is now more ripped than we ever dreamed a human could be.
He’s the Chris Most Likely to … Do something goofy in order to get a laugh. If there’s one thing we learned from our years of binge-watching Parks and Recreation, it’s that nobody commits to a bit quite like Pratt.
And now that we’ve gotten that sorted, it’s time to focus on other difficult questions. Like, which Ryan is more handsome — Gosling or Reynolds?