The Week's Best Celeb Quotes

• “I’m sorry, as everyone who knows me is aware, for losing my temper with my child. I have been driven to the edge by parental alienation for many years now.”
– Alec Baldwin, issuing a statement on his Web site after a tape was released in which he called his 11-year-old daughter Ireland a “rude little pig” on her voicemail

• “It’s called The Oprah Show, okay?”
– Oprah Winfrey, to Thank God You’re Here host David Alan Grier, after he expressed disbelief that the talk-show queen “never gets nervous”

• “She’s still fat, she’s still gay.”
– Rosie O’Donnell, on how the tabloids cover her, on The View

• “I didn’t vote. But if I had voted, I absolutely would have voted for you. I would have voted for the chubby dude [Chris Sligh]. And then it was you.”
– Jack Black, telling American Idol castoff Sanjaya that he was (sort of) his silent supporter, on The Tonight Show

• “Right now I have two in diapers and three teething. That’s plenty of children right this minute.”
– Sharon Stone, on not wanting more children, to PEOPLE

• “All the clichés are true – it’s indescribable and you just have to be there to understand it. You know, you don’t really get it until you’re there.”
– Tobey Maguire, on being a new dad to 6-month-old daughter Ruby, to PEOPLE

• “I assume if a diet company is calling me, I’m fat.”
– Valerie Bertinelli, on the reason she became a Jenny Craig spokesperson, to Rachael Ray

• “NBC and Law & Order producer Dick Wolf are in negotiations to cut costs from the long-running series and its spinoffs to justify keeping the shows on the air another season. As a result, next season the show will be called Law.
– Seth Meyers, on Saturday Night Live’s Weekend Update

• “Haylie and I are really good friends. But I’m declaring myself single.”
– Entourage star Kevin Connolly, on his rumored relationship with Haylie Duff, to Time Out New York