The Week's Best Celeb Quotes

• “Every time Randy Jackson opens his mouth, I look like a Nobel Prize winner. Every time Simon opens up his mouth, Borat sounds like a Nobel Prize winner Ryan, I really do love him. Almost as much as he loves himself. These three brothers are the best thing to ever happen to me. Just ask my therapists.”
Paula Abdul, accepting the Woman of the Year award from the Nevada Ballet Theatre

• “I listen to most new music released every week.”
John Mayer, when asked by an aspiring writer on the MTV reality show I’m From Rolling Stone if he has “ever purchased a Jessica Simpson album”

• “I do have boobs, which is fun. I’ve never had boobs!”
Pregnant Boston Legal actress Julie Bowen, extolling the virtues of her newfound cleavage on the SAG Awards red carpet

• “There’s a nub where the genitals should be. He has no mouth. I actually posed for this several years ago – I was the buttocks model for the SAG (Awards) Actor. It’s like looking in a mirror.”
The Office‘s Rainn Wilson, joking about his uncanny resemblance to his SAG Awards trophy

• “It’s about those 10 cast members sitting over there and the other one in rehab. Y’all just hold me together.”
Chandra Wilson, giving a shout-out to Isaiah Washington while accepting a SAG Award for her Grey’s Anatomy role

• “I’m a completely different person out of rehab. Before I entered rehab I hardly knew who I was. I felt like I was floating and I just needed someone to pull me down.”
– Miss USA Tara Conner, on her new outlook after completing a 31-day rehab program for alcohol addiction, to PEOPLE

• “When we’re together and she’s in her heels, I always feel like Tom Cruise next to Nicole Kidman.”
– Oscar host Ellen DeGeneres, about walking the red carpet with girlfriend Portia de Rossi, to The Advocate

• “I’ve noticed in life that the mother, first, has a primary job – and as a father, your job is to pick a caring, smart, mindful woman.”
Jake Gyllenhaal, on his selection process for finding the right woman, to GQ

• “I worked with Pam seven years ago and haven’t seen her since. And I’ve never been to that restaurant.”
George Clooney, in a statement addressing rumors that he went out on a date with Pam Anderson

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